It's that time of year where Americans put their petty first-world problems aside and engage in a true battle, unlike any other. I'm obviously talking about the annual War on Christmas. It's back, and this year its army has grown stronger.
A kettle-bell ringer for the Salvation Army in Arizona was recently physically assaulted by a woman for saying “Happy Holidays” and not “Merry Christmas." Kristina Vindiola was standing outside of Walmart ringing her bell in an effort to raise money for the homeless. Being the godless heathen she is, she had the nerve to say “Happy Holidays” to an unnamed woman as opposed to “Merry Christmas," and all hell broke loose.
Vindiola recalled, “The lady looked at me. I thought she was going to put money in the kettle. She came up to me and said, 'Do you believe in God?' And she says, ‘You're supposed to say Merry Christmas,' and that's when she hit me.” The woman hit her on the arm, and then continued on to the store where she surely got incredible deals on great products the way God commanded good Christians do this time of year.
Vindiola does plan to take legal action against the woman. She said further, “She should've just been happy I said 'Happy Holidays,' but I got hit because I didn't say 'Merry Christmas.”
The victim, Kristina Vindiola
This December debate doesn't seem to be going away any time soon. Year after year, people argue over whether or not someone should say “Happy Holidays” or “Merry Christmas." As a Jew, I feel it's time for me to express my feelings on the matter, and hope that once and for all we end this mess.
I hate to break it to you Gentiles, but Christmas is less a religious holiday and more an excuse to get off work and buy more things. I'm pretty sure we all know by now that Jesus was not even born on December 25. Also, how many of you devout Christians actually go to church on Christmas? Those who do treat is as a religious holiday are more and more in the minority, according to a survey from the Public Religion Research Institute. In their findings, they state, “The most popular activity among those celebrating Christmas is watching Christmas movies such as It’s a Wonderful Life or A Christmas Story. Nearly 8-in-10 (79 percent) report that their family watches Christmas movies during the holiday."
If you really want strangers to tell you “Merry Christmas” that badly, you can have it. Hearing “Happy Holidays” doesn't change the fact that this time of year is oversaturated with Christmas films, Christmas television, Christmas decorations, and horrible Christmas sweaters. When I walk around my city during this time of year, and see things like a “holiday tree," I know it's bullshit. That's a Christmas tree. I'm sure most businesses pushing the “Happy Holidays” slogan don't even know that Hannukkah is already over, and that Kwanzaa begins the day after Christmas. So right now, sure... say "Merry Christmas." You might offend the humanists celebrating HumanLight or the pagans with their Winter Solstice, but something tells me you could care less.
Better yet, the perfect solution to all this is having people of all faiths come together and celebrate Christmas the way we celebrate a holiday like Thanksgiving: completely indifferent to its actual origins. We should all let out a big “Jesus Shmesus” and take Christmas into our hands. My fellow Jews, don't you think it'd be fun to chug on Kosher egg nog while munching on Christmas kugel? If more faiths came together and made Christmas their own, hearing “Merry Christmas” would not be offensive and everyone would win. Would that make the warriors happy?