Brett Gelman
“KevEn 11 is My Homie”
“KevEn 11 Is My Homie,” is a collaboration between the mysterious KevEn 11 and the heretofore completely anonymous white 80s hip-hop artist Rat Tail, whose current whereabouts are unknown. It was transcribed from a cassette tape discovered last...
“DAAAAAAMMMNNNNNNN”
Listen to “Daaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmnnnnnnn,” the long-lost classic by the completely unknown white 80s hip-hop artist, Rat Tail, whose current whereabouts are unknown. We discovered the song last November on a cassette tape that was wrapped in a ball...
"Motorola Queen"
Here are the lyrics to the long-lost classic “Motorola Queen” by the completely unknown white 80s hip-hop artist, Rat Tail, whose current whereabouts are unknown. It was transcribed from a cassette tape discovered last November, wrapped in a ball of...
Listen to Rat Tail's Debut Single "Introducing Rat Tail"
Earlier this month, we shared with you the lyrics to the mysterious rapper Rat Tail's lost classic "Introducing Rat Tail." Today Rat Tail's whereabouts are unknown, but his music lives on. Thanks to us, you can stream the legendary rapper's debut track...
Combover's Truth
This town’s just one big concentration camp! It’s sunny Auschwitz. But I am my own Nazi. I keep me here. Ambition. The sweet tastes of temptation are wasting me away. Spiritually emaciated. About to fall flat and just die.
Teenage Vacation Week
I’ve been thinking back on the first film I ever produced, 'Teenage Vacation Week.' I was also in it. I played Jim Francino: A low-down, dirty pimp who had a thing for naval outfits. He convinces these two teens who are on vacation for a week to do a...
Laugh Pig Laugh
Two hours later: Regret. So much regret. There’s blood all over me. Not my blood. Chicken blood, or so they say. I don’t know where anyone gets all this chicken blood from, and the whole enterprise is definitely far from kosher.
What Means What Now?
Did you know I was married? Of course you don’t. I didn’t tell you. I don’t really talk about her very often. To me, a wife is pretty much a backup plan. If I don’t get no shtuppin’ for a while, if my career falls apart, if I got no one else to turn to...
Santa Daddy
She walked into the other room and came back holding up a Santa suit. And you bet your ass I put it on. I put it on like it was my bar mitzvah suit and we had to be at temple in five minutes.
The October War
I’m working on a little personal film about the October War. I need to say something about my people’s persecution. What a mess it is over there. Such a happy little place surrounded by nothing but enemies. Haven’t we gone through enough already?!
Dirty Laundry
This one’s difficult. Used to be my best friend. My mentor, really. Taught me everything I know about the business. Helped me get my first assistant’s job with Billy Wilder. Then the white dragon set him on fire. And before I knew it, I was his own...
White Lie/Black Fly
Goddamn method actors. I hired one to do this sci-fi flick I’m producing called "White Lie/Black Fly." The crew tells me the actress has been crawling up walls, jumping on people, and even eating caca. She’s gotta tone it down or we’re going to have 5...