Michael Ian Black
Mind Thoughts... with Michael Ian Black - In Spite of Everything, I Would Still Let You Suck My Dick
When we met that summer night outside the 7-11, I thought you were perfect. Your eyes, glassy and vague. Your hair, mostly shaven. Your lips, smeared with lipstick and Cheetos residue. Even your zits looked good to me that summer night, zits I wished...
Mind Thoughts... with Michael Ian Black - I Will Kill You
President Obama, I would like to offer my services as an assassin. Please let me kill our enemies, foreign or domestic.
Mind Thoughts... with Michael Ian Black - Let’s Not Fuck, Shall We?
I hate the way men are stereotyped as sex-starved cock robots. I feel like I am a good man. I’m just not a horny man. Unless we’re talking about BJs.
Mind Thoughts... with Michael Ian Black - Mustard Is the King of Condiments, and I Will Prove it, Dickhead
Put down that tomato period and pick up the condiment of the revolution.
Mind Thoughts... with Michael Ian Black - Dead Celebrities
A dead celebrity is so much more exciting than a live one.