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What You Missed on The MUNCHIES Guide to Dating

The MUNCHIES Guide to Dating is filled with tales of joy, woe, love, loss, and perhaps most importantly, booze.
February 13, 2016, 4:00pm
Photo by Brayden Olson.

In case you haven't noticed by now, it's Valentine's Day weekend.

But how could you not know? Haven't all your senses been bombarded by bunches of seabird-strangling mylar heart balloons, chalky candy that only technically resembles chocolate, and prix-fixe menus designed for dunces?

On top of that, we fed the capitalist love machine with our very own MUNCHIES Guide to Dating, filled with tales of joy, woe, love, loss, and perhaps most importantly, booze.

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We learned that relationships in the restaurant world has their a special brand of ups and downs. While couples like Sarah Obraitis and Hugue Dufour of M. Wells manage to run stellar restaurants without murdering each other, love on the line can be fickle. Dating a chef, one person told us, was like getting "sucked into some kind of Rabelaisian tornado, inside of which swirled magnum bottles of grand cru wines, luxury deli meats, and nonstop dick jokes." Another line cook spoke of a whirlwind romance with a pastry chef that nevertheless ended in heartbreak.

And then there was this guy, from whom you should probably never order tuna.

All photos by the author.

But we also heard tales of love and the inevitable expression of it: marriage. We found out that the weddings of Chinese elites are over-the-top bonkers awesome, while Cambodian weddings are basically an excuse to dance and eat fried fish.

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For you lonelyhearts and serial killers out there, we learned that there are many perks to eating alone. In fact, we heard this from not one but three separate people—meaning that partnering up isn't all that, or that we have a penchant for hanging out with loners.

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We heard about terrifying love potions, oysters nicknamed "Viagra," and pastries that will tell you if you're suitable for marriage.

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And for all you lovestruck, Hallmark-card-holding jerks out there, we even have some tales of straight-up squishy, saccharine love—for compost and chicken wings. Awww.

Not enough love and heartbreak for you? Check out the full MUNCHIES Guide to Dating here.