We Asked a Bunch of Sauce Manufacturers What the Sauciest Thing They’ve Ever Done Is

What does "saucy" mean for you?

For me, it's a tuxedoed Mike Pence at the Inauguration Ball, one cadaver-like hand on Mother's waist, looking proudly into the distance as he thinks about the decades of social progress he's going to undo with God on his side and those feminist whores put back in their place.

Phew, sorry, this is getting far too erotic already.

Anyway, as it's Valentine's Week we asked a bunch of independent sauce manufacturers about the sauciest thing they've ever done. Because if anyone knows saucy, it's people who make sauce. Or something.

Tracey Collins, Dorset-based sauce maker and founder of A Jar Of. It's a bit clichéd, but the sauciest thing I've ever done is flashed my hubby when he was in the garden from my bedroom window. Or, suggested that my customers use my Dorset sea salted caramel sauce on each other's bodies.

Verdict: Mildly saucy

Martin Bond of The Wiltshire Chilli Farm, a chili sauce and preserves manufacturer based near bath. Considering my profession as a chili sauce manufacturer, I've had an experience or two involving forgotten spice left on my hands being transferred (to put it politely) to other areas of both my girlfriend and I. Such instances have resulted in everything from mild annoyance, to amusement, to tearful rage.

Consequently, there are certain sauces that I'm a lot more careful in producing these days.

Verdict: Painfully saucy

Adam Sopher of Joe & Seph's, a London-based popcorn business that also produces caramel sauce. I couldn't possibly comment, given that I run the business with my parents, but I do have quite a funny story involving our caramel sauces. We were exhibiting at a food show once and a couple in their sixties asked us what our sauces could be used for. I was suggesting drizzling it on pancakes, waffles when the man interrupted and, pointing to his wife, said "or your body?"

I laughed—assuming they were joking—but they remained completely deadpan. Anyway, they bought a jar of our salted caramel and went off to have what I hope was a fun, and delicious, evening.

Verdict: Geriatrically saucy

Illustration by Dale Crosby-Close.