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The VICE Guide to Right Now

All Hail This Metal-Ass Gator That Head-Butted a Guy Unconscious

We're not worthy.
Drew Schwartz
Brooklyn, US

We all know who reigns supreme over the animal kingdom. It isn't lions, sharks, cockroaches, or even us human flesh bags who'd have the upper hand in the event of a doomsday scenario. Only one beast is so brazen, so unapologetically metal, that it will freeze itself in a lake all winter, or resort to eating one of its reptilian brethren just because it's fucking hungry. Gators are the kings of the jungle, and they just might be able to take out the human race with their hands tied behind their backs.


In a couple of videos posted to Instagram and Twitter this week, one routine operation to capture a nine-foot gator roaming around an Orlando neighborhood (because sometimes that happens in Florida) got pretty WWE when the 80-toothed beast took on one of his human captors with one, resounding head-butt.

According to local NBC affiliate WCMH-TV, a bunch of Florida Fish and Wildlife officers managed to wrangle the thing, duct-taping its snout shut and hog-tying its limbs, after it was spotted roaming around by a few kids in the area. The trapper, presumably to show the animal who was boss, did a little drumming on the gator's head before hoisting it into the pickup. But even with its hands tied behind his back, the massive reptile fought back.

Here's an instant replay, complete with color commentary from a local kid who says, almost as if he already knows the trapper's fate: "This is a job that I would never do when I grow up."

The gator wound up leaving the guy unconscious for about four seconds, WCMH reports. But the spoils of victory didn't last much longer. Eventually his human captors managed to haul him into the pick-up—this time using a winch, so there was no chance of him landing another knockout blow.

The beast may have lost the battle, but he relayed a pretty clear message: Gators ain't nothing to fuck with.

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