Americans are due for a new scam. It took a few years for us to really learn our lesson about those as-seen-on-TV psychic hotlines and Nigerian millionaires asking for our help, and even longer to recognize good ol' short-changing (wait, did he give me a 20?), or dining and dashing. But one Oklahoma woman has it all figured out—or at least thought she did. As far as she was concerned, there was such a thing as a free lunch.
For those with generous benefactors—such as daddy's girls, sugar babies, or just those with a handsome work expense account—it's common enough to have a lavish meal and then say, "charge it to him" or "her" or "them" with a wink and a smile. But Kristi Rhines recently asked that her sizable dinner bill be charged to Him. As in, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
According to Kristi, those seeking Jesus can find him in Lawton, Oklahoma, population 97,000. It is here that our bearded, long-haired, miracle-performer extraordinaire is apparently using his gifts to buy young women "food and several alcoholic drinks" from Mexican restaurant El Chico. When it came time to pay after swilling some Skinny 'Ritas and grub, Kristi assured the staff that Jesus was on his way and would be coming by any minute with cold hard cash to cover her full tab. Apparently, He wouldn't mind forking over dough for a few $12 orders of "Top Shelf Fajita Enchiladas."
When the police arrived to arrest her (as something about her story just seemed a little fishy), Rhines assured them that Jesus Christ was, in fact, her legal husband. Unfortunately, as one might guess, she didn't have any kind of paperwork to prove it. But she felt it in her heart, which is sort of what counts—until, that is, you're being questioned by a police and potentially carted off to jail. Needless to say, at this point in the surely entertaining but baffling conversation between parties, it was determined that she had no ability to pay her own way, and she was arrested on a complaint of fraud.
Some questions about Kristi's bold interpretation of Jesus's spirit have yet to be answered. Will this trend take off as the hot new low-level scam of the Christian American?
Does freedom of religion include the freedom to believe that Jesus loves nachos?
Would Jesus happily be a sugar daddy to us all, or only to his chosen ones?
We're just happy to know that Jesus walks. And apparently he walks into Mexican restaurants in Oklahoma, and picks up margarita tabs for girls like Kristi.