This Man Wants to Bring About A Revolution Through Bacon

As history will undoubtedly show, there is no more surefire method of inciting radical global insurrection than a strongly worded op-ed about the merits of pristinely packaged bacon. Take a breather, Che Guevera. Hit the bricks, Morpheus. Don't call me, I'll call you, Squealer.

There's a new anti-institutional revolutionary in town and his particular brand of post-modern dissent is aimed directly at the truest bastion of oppression: the meat counter.

It seems like the mighty British Empire is yet again the place of dissent of near-biblical proportion. One fellow from the British Isles who goes by the name of Ben Roberts decided to get his Guy Fawkes on when he took to the Facebook page of his local supermarket after experiencing what he termed "a cruel act of betrayal."

In what very well could have been a word-for-word recounting of some Vassar student's experimental theater thesis, Ben went on to expound on the indignity he suffered.

You see, Ben really wanted bacon for breakfast. And, alas, he had no bacon in his fridge.

His Facebook post reports that he talked himself off the ledge: "'Ben! It's OK! You can just pop down to your handy Tesco Local and pick up a delicious pack of Smoked, back bacon rashers!' Genius!"

So Ben hopped in his car and set off for Tesco where, indeed, he found the desired bacon rashers. The package read "7 Smoked Bacon Rashers."

Ben mused, how odd it was that the bacon company decided to include seven slices in a package. He writes, "That's a strange number for a pack of bacon. I mean come on, 7 is the number of days in the week, or the number of Sins but that is not a great number when it comes to rashers of bacon."

Eventually, the adrift Brit came to terms with the odd number. He figured he could have four slices and his significant other could have three. In what could most definitely be a foretelling of relationship problems to come, Ben wrote, "The thought of this made me smile. I will have the most bacon, because I deserve it."

But, alas—and here is where the cruel act of betrayal comes in—the package only contained six, count 'em, six bacon rashers.

Tesco bacon rant goes viral after customer is 'cruelly' shortchanged on smoked back rashers http://t.co/7uY9wzAJ5u pic.twitter.com/MDXnuEXpQG

— HuffPost UK (@HuffPostUK) July 21, 2015

God save the Queen! Has any worse atrocity befallen the Brits since the fall of the Empire?

Ben was appalled and took to Facebook.

Tesco, not missing a beat, responded in snarky kind: "Well it sounds like you've gone through a whirlwind of emotions for a Sunday morning." Promising a refund—if Ben can come up with the bar code, batch code, and a half dozen other details about his purchase—the supermarket's customer service representative also shared a recipe for a quite delightful bacon sandwich, involving Brie, salsa, and the use of a George Forman grill.

Then things got rolling. Believe it or not, people in Britain evidently read their supermarkets' Facebook pages. Dozens jumped in, sharing cooking tips and commiserating with poor Ben and his 6 lousy bacon rashers.

David Macca, a Tesco customer, however, had to gloat. His package of the promised seven bacon slices contained a lucky eight pieces. He posted a photo of his dog, the fortunate recipient of that extra piece of bacon.

I'm currently torn between my desire to give Ben a medal and my trepidation towards the ensuing meat-pocalypse he will undoubtedly spearhead. Regardless, I think both revolutionaries and nationalists alike can agree that on the whole, bacon is a pretty good thing.