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Indian Cops Told This Farmer to Use Astrology to Catch Onion Thieves

When bandits made off with $1,200 of Sunil Patil’s prized onions, he turned to the police for help. But they told him to consult the heavens.

Petty produce thieves of India who pick on hardworking farmers, listen up. The juggernaut planet Mercury—and all of its astrological, bad fortune-inducing artillery—may have just teamed up with your country's police force, and is on to your food crimes.

The incident at hand—allegedly involving about $1,200 worth of precious stolen onions, a poor farmer, and a lazy police force—took place in India's state of Maharashtra, reports DNA India.

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The Dhule district is recognized for having onion-heavy local cuisine, with popular dishes like water-based curries and eggplant stuffed with peanuts and coconuts. So in these parts, a black market with a niche for stolen onions would not come as too much of a surprise.

But tell that to poor allium farmer Sunil Patil of Lonikhede village, who claims that immediately after he realized that around 20 sacks of his prized onions had gone missing, he approached the nearby police station to file a complaint and only got astrological advice instead of an official police crime report.

"I was taken aback after the police told me to contact an astrologer to trace those who stole my onions," said Patil.

Patil says that the police then proceeded to make matters worse by asking if he had any idea who could have been responsible for the petty food crime, to which he rightfully responded, "Why would I approach the police if I had known who stole my onions?"

Despite Patil's urgent testimonies, Dhule's police force denies that such astrological crime fighting ever happened.

"I have looked into the matter. My officers have visited the spot. I spoke to the policemen on duty at the outpost. If it is proved that policemen did tell the farmer to go to an astrologer, they will be suspended immediately," said Sahebrao Patil, the superintendent of local police.

And yes, while onions may not exactly be 24-karat gold bricks, just think of all the delicious onion bhajis that will never be now. We sympathize with Patil and hope the pesky onion-nappers are punished to the fullest extent of the law, or Susan Miller's karmic wrath—whatever gets them first.