• ​Working at the Carwash Blues

    It's 1970, and I work a couple of days a week at a Newport Beach carwash for $1.50 an hour, which keeps me in Banquet TV dinners, Hostess cherry pies, and Kool Kings.

  • My First Time in the Drunk Tank

    I remember a bottle of Bacardi rum, going to a party, stripping naked, following my stiff wiener, and chasing girls around.

  • The Zozobra Festival Is a Neo-Pagan Ode to Spanish Colonialism

    At a park in New Mexico’s capital city of Santa Fe, tens of thousands of people gather every year to watch the burning of what might be the world’s largest marionette. The creature is known as Zozobra, or “Old Man Gloom.”

  • Teenagers Aren't Any Crazier Than They Used to Be

    As someone who writes a weekly column dedicated to Americans between the ages of 13 and 19, people think I consider myself some sort of teen expert. But a real one offers some fresh perspective on whether the kids are going to be alright.

  • Can Science Find a Safe Replacement for Alcohol?

    When it comes to legal intoxicants, alcohol is still the only game in town. But with a massive pharmacopeia and scientific infrastructure at our disposal, that makes pretty much zero sense.

  • Toronto Mayor Rob Ford Is Finally Going to Rehab

    Yet another video where he seems to be smoking crack has sent everybody's favorite Canadian in search of some help.