If you awoke this morning to the sound of distressed, nasal cries enveloping all your ear space, you'll probably have checked the internet (you jelly, New York?) and seen that George Lucas has sold Lucasfilm and the rights to Star Wars for a cool £2.5bn. Without wanting to play too much into stereotypes, EVERY SINGLE self-identifying nerd absolutely adores Star Wars, so forums instantly lit up with whiney guys lamenting the prospect of Vanessa Hudgens taking the new title role and excited fans chomping at the bit for another fix of intergalactic warfare.
But does the sale really change anything? Hasn't Star Wars been shit for years anyway? Shoppers in Forbidden Planet, London's comic book Mecca, are you pissed that Disney are making a new Star Wars?
Jakir, 17 (left) and Leo, 18.
Jakir: Just, why are they doing it? They’re going to make it all kiddy and stuff.
VICE: Do you not think it’s good to introduce a whole new wave of followers?I dunno. When you create an empire that’s been built up over years and years, then just hand it over to Disney – who already own Pixar and Marvel – I just don’t feel it’s right.
So they’re the Darth Vader of the entertainment world?
Pretty much, yeah. I’m just imagining Micky Mouse jumping in and doing a little dance.
You know what – I think I read somewhere that they’re going to make it a musical.
No! That’s horrifying. Star Wars and dancing just should never, ever go together.
You’ve been quiet Leo.
Leo: I don’t think it’s that much of a problem, to be honest. Lucas said he wasn’t going to make any more movies, so whether he sells it or not, we're not getting any more films from him. At least we’ll get something now. It’s a financial thing; he got £2.5bn – who can blame him? It’s nothing to cry over.
Patrick, 21 and Francesca, 21.
Patrick: You're lying, I don’t believe you. Show me the article.
[Shows Patrick the article] See?
Hmm, that could be a good thing, I guess. Obviously the prequels made me a bit edgy, but at the same time, more Star Wars is more Star Wars.
Francesca: Disney did well with Marvel, to be fair. The Avengers is amazing.
Do you not think they mind end up making it too Disney?
Patrick: No, I don't think they would. Regardless, I'll still watch it. I might not enjoy it, but it's my duty as a geek to watch it anyway. I didn't give up on Star Wars after the prequels, so I'm not giving up on it now, either.
Lee, 38: I’m against it, but I’m kind of pleased at the same time because George Lucas messed up the last few.
Why are you so against it?
I reckon they’re going to make it way too kiddy.
Isn't that good, though? It'll get a whole new generation involved.
I’m not sure that’s the right way to go about it.
What is, then? Do you reckon they should teach Star Wars studies in school?
Maybe. Somehow I don’t think it’s quite that important, though.
Come on, man. What kind of super fan are you?
Joel, 17: I don’t know. I wouldn’t really say I’m excited, but I'm not pissed off about it, either. George Lucas has played it smart for himself, but, in terms of the films, it all depends where they take it. I didn’t really like The Clone Wars and the more cartoony ones, so hopefully it's not going to be like that.
Do you think they will end up making it more kiddy?
Yeah, I reckon they’re going to screw it up a little bit. It’ll really piss me off, but I'll probably go and see it anyway. Sometimes new ownership is a good thing.
What if they made Zac Efron the new Luke Skywalker?
Oh my god, there would be a civil uprising.
Or a messageboard uprising. Do you have anything to say to George Lucas?
If you screw it up, you need to give me some money. A hundred grand isn’t that much when you’ve got two billion.
Cool. I know for a fact that you read VICE, George, so take a note of that.
Ryan, 18: It’s a load of crap. Lucas Film have their own certain way of making films and Disney won't be able to match that.
What would you do if they put the Jonas Brothers in the new film?
I’d just never watch a single thing to do with Star Wars ever again. It would ruin the whole lot for me. I really would be genuinely upset.
Do you think there might be a real-life Star Wars scenario played out here? Like, the old Star Wars representing the rebels and Disney being the empire?
Yeah, definitely. All the people I’ve spoken to about it are really against it and we all want to fight. I bet they’re going to put someone in the film who's really popular in other Disney films, but that just wouldn't work. He won’t be a good Star Wars character. Star Wars owes a service to its fans. Why fuck it up by adding extras?
Sorry to break it to you, but Ewan McGregor and Samuel L. Jackson have both already been in Disney films.
Michael, 23 (off camera), Emily, 24 (centre) and Clarissa, 21.
Clarissa: No, I’m excited.
A lot of people are saying that Disney are going to ruin it.
I’m all for investment if it means continuing something good. To be fair, Disney definitely do have the power to fuck it up, though.
Michael: Disney own Marvel, who do The Avengers and stuff, and those films are good. There’s no reason why it’s going to have a different stance just because Disney own it.
Clarissa: Yeah, they're wise enough to not put Selena Gomez in it, or something.
Has George Lucas sold out?
Michael: He already said earlier this year that he was going to do lots of independent projects and not do any big budget stuff, so maybe he figured he should just sell it off. If it’s good, I’ll be happy. If it’s bad, I’ll be sad. I didn’t like the last ones they made – they were rubbish. The Clone Wars were good, though. More Star Wars is always good, but you don't know if it’s going to be good until it's been released.
Tom, 32: I fucking hate it. I’ll end up ranting.
Go on. We're a shoulder to cry on.
It’s a fucking disaster, man. Why bother? Just let it die. Please. Just take it out the back somewhere and shoot it in the back of the head.
What's with the hatred?
It’s probably going to be a fucking musical, or something. There’s going to be a singing Darth Vader and it makes me fucking sick. There are no positive things to say. They could do something without the famous characters and it might be alright, but as if that’s going to happen.
Do you reckon you’ll still go see it?
Are you fucking joking? No, I won’t go and see it. I just don’t care any more.
What about if Jar Jar Binks made a cameo?
If they were smart, they wouldn’t do that. But if they were really smart, they wouldn’t have done any of this in the first place. Fuck ‘em. Fuck those fucks. I hope they all fucking go die somewhere. I used to love Star Wars, I really did.
No, you're right; this is becoming a bit too much like counselling.
Previously - Is There a Hell?