The VICE Guide to Right Now

We Are All This Crunchie Bar-Stealing Squirrel

Meet the new Pizza Rat.

by Lisa Power
Jan 6 2017, 5:12pm

Crunchie bars are the new nut, and we are all just trying to get one.

A recent video shows a squirrel entering a Toronto convenience store and swiping a Crunchie bar from the display before scurrying away outside and into the abyss.

This squirrel—forced to navigate an environment far removed from its natural state and fight for survival on the mean city streets, stealing and eating whatever it can while trying to make its way in this concrete jungle, alienated from both nature and itself—is all of us.

Who among us cannot relate to this squirrel's struggle?

Everywhere we turn there's adversity, staring us in the face and challenging our very individual personhood and notions of humanity while we compete with each other in the endless rat race that is life.

This squirrel knows that in life, death is the only certainty. It's everyone for themselves; a Crunchie for a Crunchie.

While watching the video we may automatically assume the role of the store owner, outraged and threatened by this usurper who is benefitting from our hard work. But recent global events demonstrate that our societal anxiety stems from a fear that one day we will become the squirrel; that resources will cease to be in abundance and Crunchie-stealing chaos will ensue.

And what of it? Suppose that Crunchies were suddenly in short supply? Who would control the Crunchie output? Would we be able to adapt or have to resort to the nefarious ways of the squirrel?

The world is in an uncertain place and there are no guarantees in life. The squirrel understands this and does what it needs to do to survive. Sometimes we are the store owner and other times we are the squirrel. Perhaps that Crunchie bar holds the true wisdom of the universe: just be.

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