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But now we all just remembered that Robert Dyas exists because it came out as gay, which I think on the whole is one of the most 2015 things to have possibly happened. A 95-strong chain of home and garden essentials stores coming out as gay is actually incredibly 2015, peak 2015. There are already, with certainty, people on Tumblr trying to sketch out a new sexuality based on this. Some 15-year-old brony with a fringe is having a sexual awakening about Robert Dyas. "Am I… shopposexual?" he's asking. "Maybe commercexual? There isn't a Wiki page about this. Sexuality is a minefield." He's asked his parents to join him in the lounge for a serious announcement: he wants to fuck Robert Dyas. His extremely conservative gun-owning dad has to go outside for a while and just scream.VICE Sports: Player of the Weekend – Heurelho Gomes
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But then in a world of £7 million John Lewis adverts about illuminati moon paedos, perhaps Robert Dyas' back-to-basics let's-just-be-gay-or-straight-in-a-shop-after-closing-time-and-go-viral-for-it approach is refreshing. Maybe this is the future of adverts: adverts that are just confusing professions of sexual preferences in the middle of a shop floor in the hour after the shop has closed, filmed for all I can tell on a fucking iPhone. "Hi, I'm John Boots, owner of Boots, and I'm bang into pegging"; "Hi, I'm Lisa from Primark, piss on me"; "It's me, Darren from Morrisons: it's important I tell you I fucked your beef joint." If this is the future, sign me up for it. If this is the future, I am down.@joelgolbyMore stuff from VICE:Actually, the John Lewis Advert Is Just Illuminati Propaganda, Isn't It?Yup, America Still Has a Ton of Racist MonumentsPunk, Politics and Paranoia: 2000AD is Still Britain's Most Subversive ComicOn NOISEY: Meet GKR, The Kid About To Put Icelandic Hip Hop On The Map