porn

Porn Stars Talk About the Last Time They Were Heartbroken

"She wasn't OK with me making porn, even though she's a porn actress. Obviously, that hurts. I've been watching a lot of films that we used to watch together, like 'P.S. I Love You'."

by Rebecca Baden and Laura Binder
02 November 2018, 11:46am

All photos: Flora Rüegg

This article originally appeared on VICE Germany

Porn usually only addresses the subject of heartbreak when a man walks in on his wife getting penetrated by three strangers, or when a young woman decides to have lesbian sex because her boyfriend cheated on her with his Spanish tutor. So it's easy to think that porn actors themselves would never struggle to find love. But in reality, they are just as vulnerable to being left dumped and heartbroken as anyone else.

Surrounded by plastic penises and silicon vaginas, we offered porn stars at the Venus Erotic Trade Fair in Berlin last month a break from answering questions about their favourite sex positions, and instead asked them to tell us about the challenges they face while maintaining relationships, and the last time they were left truly heartbroken.

Lia Lion, 20

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"My last heartbreak was just a few weeks ago. I was seeing a really sweet guy who I had worked with for a while. He suddenly told me that he wasn't ready for a relationship. I thought to myself, 'Great, for weeks I've been taking ten-hour bus rides from Berlin to Baden-Württemberg to see this guy, only to end up getting emotionally smacked across the face.' I've been feeling a lot better about it lately, though.

"As a porn star, I get a lot of things I want, but I can't find any attractive guys who have the full package. I have Tinder on my phone, but I haven't gone on any dates yet. Aside from my male friends, guys mostly write me off because of my job. A lot of people see my work as a form of prostitution, and don't ask me anything about what I actually do. Right now, I'm pretty much alone."

Freddy Gong, 28

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"I haven't been in a relationship in a long time, so it's been a while since I've had my heart broken. I was a teenager the last time it happened. I was in love with a girl who wasn't interested in me. I knew nothing about love or how to deal with rejection.

"Nowadays, it's hard to hurt my feelings. If I like someone, I can close it off pretty quickly. And I'm always careful not to hurt anyone else. I meet so many women through my work that it's impossible to develop feelings for all of them – it's just a job. Sometimes I work with actresses that I like more than others. Occasionally, there might be one that I work with especially well. Maybe that's true love."

Hanna Secret, 22

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"My last heartbreak was a month ago. I fell head over heels for a guy I met when filming a TV soap. He's a freelance cameraman, and has nothing to do with the porn industry. I think he knew I had feelings for him, but it didn't work out – he already has a family.

"I don't fall in love very often. To be honest, porn stars in general don't fall in love very often. My job has taught me a lot about men: I get to know a lot of men, and a lot of them are insincere, dishonest and judge women based entirely on their looks. But of course, not all men are like that."

Mark Aurel, 35

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"I'm going through it right now, thanks to a recent breakup. She wasn't okay with me making porn, even though she's a porn actress and we met on the job. Obviously, that hurts. Lately I've been going on a lot of walks, watching a lot of films that we used to watch together, like P.S. I Love You.

"You can forget about dating in this industry. I live in southern Germany, where any normal woman wouldn't be OK with my job. I haven't had any luck on Tinder, either, but maybe my standards are a bit high because of the women I get to be with through my job.

"A long time ago, there was a woman I was really heartbroken over, well before I was in the porn industry. We met at a carnival and she cheated on her man with me. I soon fell in love with her. I sent her roses and even moved from the city out to a village for her. After we broke up, I went on to do two tours with the army in Afghanistan. Being abroad distracted me and helped me get over my heartbreak."

Princepessa, 21

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"Through working in porn you can easily get to know a lot of men. I'd be open to a proper relationship, and I don't think my job would get in the way – I haven't had anyone reject me just because I have sex on camera.

"Four years ago, I was unhappily in love with a guy. We weren't in a relationship and I only had a crush on him for a short time, but he could guess that I wanted more, and, unfortunately, I wasn't what he wanted. At that time I hadn't been in any films yet, but I think that as a porn star it's easier to distract yourself and meet someone new."

Cat-Coxx, 40

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"I was really in love five years ago, I even got a tattoo of his initials. We were complete opposites – I have a really dark sense of humour, while he was pragmatic and not funny at all. He had a normal job, and during our two-year relationship I took a break from the porn industry because he didn't want to be with 'that kind of girl', and because I was raising two children.

"Eventually, I chose my career over the man and it really broke my heart. Afterwards, I said I'd never let myself get hurt like that again. My children are OK with what I do, and my new partner has grown to appreciate my career, even though he has a normal job. Sometimes we make amateur videos together. He is a lot more open-minded."