It's 2018, and the exponential speed of technological development has strapped us on a one-way rocket to the future that is looking either potentially utopian or severely dystopian, depending on how crippling today's headlines are, how much money you have to spend on premium dating app accounts and "smart juicers," and how much mental energy you allocate to Twitter conflicts.
At this moment in history, someone can easily make a convincing fake porno of you and email it to your boss. That seems bad. But also, weed is legal and Harvey Weinstein has become a pariah of society. Maybe things are getting better!
Well, on this sunny and beautiful (JK it's cloudy and below freezing in New York) Thursday afternoon, we'd say things are leaning toward utopian for stoners and Cheesy Gordita Crunch enthusiasts everywhere, as Yum! Brands has announced a partnership with national food delivery service Grubhub.
What does this mean, exactly? That you will soon be able to order Taco Bell and KFC online and have it delivered straight to your home.
Yes, on those days when you've been nearly flatlined by a hangover or paralyzed by the body high from a surprisingly strong edible, all that you'll need to do to seek solace in a bag of crunchy tacos and popcorn chicken is reach for your phone and press a few buttons on your app. Then, a magical man will be at your door bearing a bucket of KFC Original Recipe and a bunch of things made with tortillas and molten processed cheese. Do you believe in magic?
In Grubhub's press release from this morning, Matt Maloney, CEO of Grubhub, comments, "We are thrilled to bring KFC and Taco Bell to Grubhub. Grubhub was founded to help small business owners and restaurant entrepreneurs grow, and we look forward to supporting Yum!’s local operators by driving greater sales and profit growth through access to our 14 million active diners."
Hmm, we wouldn't really classify Taco Bell as a "small business" in any traditional sense of the term, but sure!
The press release doesn't include specifics about when the service will become available or for how many stores, but did include the following blurb:
When the initial phase of this Grubhub partnership is launched over the coming months, KFC will offer door-to-door delivery of its freshly hand-prepared Original Recipe® chicken and other menu items to consumers in the US. The partnership will help bring Taco Bell's innovative menu items like Doritos Locos Tacos and the signature Crunchwrap Supreme® to more Taco Bell fans where, when and how they want it.
Where do I want a Crunchwrap Supreme? On my couch! When do I want it? By the time I start the next episode of Manhunt: Unabomber! How do I want it? With googolplex packets of Fire Sauce! Thank you, future, for giving the people what they want.