We're almost two solid months into 2017 and the best thing that has happened this year is still the Wendy's Twitter account. It has completely shut down critics of its never-frozen beef and, as of this morning, it's still serving up clapbacks even faster than it serves its customers. But the most recent must-see fast food social media account belonged to Burger King, where a cheating boyfriend was busted in its Instagram comments section. (That's a sentence that would've made zero sense a decade ago—and it still barely makes sense today.)
The story—as first reported by one of Britain's wire-tappiest tabloids—started when an Instagram user named Jordan von Smith typed out an innocuous-sounding complaint about the service he and his girlfriend got at their local Burger King. "My girl legit took 20 minutes ordering in the drive thru last night, those whoppers were worth it tho lol," he wrote beneath a picture of two artfully styled breakfast sandwiches.
Burger King didn't respond to his complaint, but his actual girlfriend did. "Umm excuse me @jordan_vonsmith86??? I don't recall going last night or ever liking Burger King who are you talking about?" a woman named Shannon Boyd responded. She then tagged two of her friends, because that's where we are right now: when your dude takes another girl for Whoppers, you definitely want backup when you're confronting him with Instagram comments.
"You need to chill out, I was with @kitcass01 and we were just catching up," von Smith responded, because women love being told to chill out or calm down. Then Cassandra Estrada – KitCass01 – asked von Smith "not to bring [her] into this."
By this point, everyone has completely transformed into that .gif of Michael Jackson eating popcorn, right? Because Boyd then told Estrada "You brought yourself into this, you fat bitch," before alerting von Smith that his "shit's outside."
OK, although as much as I love the idea of a couple splitting up because of an extracurricular fast-food order, I also don't believe this for a second. Because what are the odds that a girl is just idly scrolling through all of Burger King's comments before she sees her two-timing boyfriend's username? And what are the odds that the guy, the girl, and her two friends are all going to comment in quick succession?
And—even more suspiciously—all five accounts (Von Smith, Boyd, Estrada and the two friends Boyd tagged) are all private, have all posted between 40 and 55 pictures, and all have between seven and 12 followers. Also, the profile pic of "Shannon Boyd" was a cropped version of a picture used in a Playbuzz article called "What Sort of Housewife Will You Be [Teen Version]" and is credited to a website that puts together Hawaiian wedding packages.
So, well played, whoever is behind this. The original Burger King picture was posted four weeks ago—about the time that Wendy's was destroying trolls and taking names—so maybe BK hoped to get a sip of that sweet social media Frosty. Or maybe it's someone who was just bored enough to create an entire Whopper-themed breakup to fool people like me into writing about it. Either way, MUNCHIES has reached out to Burger King for comment.
What a weird-ass time to be alive.