sam mcpheeters

    • 12.21.12

      The Worst People

      “I kind of wish everyone on Earth hadn't died,” Casey Anthony said, running her fingers through Rick Santorum's hair. “Just so we could all rub it in their stupid faces that we did survive.” Howls of laughter filled the beach. Courtney Love said, “God...

    • 11.9.12

      Reality Quiz

      Greetings! In light of this week's election, your local GOP committee is sending out this quiz to gauge our party's commitment to reality. As a registered Republican, your input is crucial to determining future party direction. Remember, there are no...

    • 11.2.12

      Yelping Halloween

      I took my kids trick or treating yesterday and the second stop on our route was the Hadley household. Right off the bat, they lose a star for giving out Life Savers. Is this a 6th grade secret santa grab bag? Run out of carob chips? The candy you serve...

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    • 10.5.12

      Public Statement by Jerry Sandusky on His Release from Prison, February 2454

      "First off, I'd like to offer my heartfelt appreciation for the miracle of cell-extension nanotechnology. Who knew it'd be so easy to add an extra thousand years to everyone's life? And I should acknowledge the US Supreme Court, for making sure...

    • 7.20.12

      The Recent Unpleasentness - Sheriff Joe Tweets

      We collected the best tweets from computer-illiterate sheriff and xenophobic baked potato Joe Arpaio.

    • 5.2.10

      The Corpse

      Of the many rumors surrounding Bredo Morstoel, here is the most endearing: He arranged his deathbed pillows into a secret signal for his grandson.

    • 5.1.10

      Glenn Danzig

      Most performers have to span a gap between their public image and their private life, but Glenn Danzig has to jump between two distinct public versions of himself. Think of the disconnect between the cheesy camp of his Mother video and the lurid power...

    • 3.2.10

      Modern-day Fashion Bum-outs

      Ah, the past. Could the preceding eons of humanity have ever imagined how much comedy they would provide for the present? Especially in the realm of fashion?

    • 12.2.08

      First Novel

      How can I describe how it felt to complete my first novel? For me, the moment was a medley of emotion: relief, pride, closure. And sorrow. I was going to miss my quirky band of characters, all their pratfalls and gambling debts and incorrectly made...

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