While we at VICE Style struggle to bring you in-depth articles about prostitute-managed fashion labels in Sao Paulo, transvestites wearing bikinis made out of rats, Japanese kids who inject bagels into their faces, and photo shoots set among suburban tower blocks in Russia, deep down we know that, really, all you want is quick, 30-second hits of dumb, weird, funny fashion news. That's why we created Tidbits, our frequently updated aggregator of all the dumbest, weirdest, and funniest stuff we see, watch, hear, or read on the fashion part of the internet. Here are this week's best.
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TAKE YOUR GUN TO TOWN
The NRA just started selling hoodies specifically designed to conceal weapons, which is just perfect, because I've desperately been looking for a more stylish way to carry a gun in public.
If you have one of those jobs where you have to stand around in high heels all day—like a sales assistant or a well-presented prostitute—you've probably reached the point where you're getting off on the pain by now. For all of you who have reached this holy grail of submission and want to continue bossing the fuck out of your unfortunate situation, maybe Polish artist Erwina Ziomkowska’s pinned heels would up the ante? Instead of gently chafing the back of your heel all day, you can now intentionally, aggressively rip your feet to shreds with the four pounds of pins shoved through each shoe. Hell, maybe something will even end up infected. It's always good to dream.
So, this obsession with celebrities has a lot to do with governments being able to get away with waging war and keeping the people poor, as well as contributing to the sort of unrealistic material expectations that further distracts the populace from reality. That being said, the east London borough of Walthamstow's unofficial tourist board has recently made some adept comparisons—of celebrity outfits to abandoned mattresses found in and around the streets of the not-very-glamorous 'hood. So, that's weird enough to mention—right?
UMBRIO X PALACE
Normally, I hate people who post pictures of stuff and type WANT next to it. Fashion should mean something and in reality your wants have a price. But right now, if Umbro or Palace or the shops or who or whatever, do not help me track down one of the England Italia 90 replica shirts by Palace, I don't know if I'll be able to handle it. As in, I can't wait to finish typing this piece and my leg is bouncing up and down and I fucking need it, arrgggh!!! HELP! Why? Because World Cup Italia 90, with it's sublime big-money Italian stadiums, the Pavarotti-theme music, the only good football song ever—New Order's "World In Motion,"—and the England Vs. Germany semi-final featuring Gazza's overrated tears and the excruciating, climactic penalty shoot-out, will probably continue to be considered the World Cup, at least until Brazil 2014. And it's also a Palace shirt.
SHOES FROM THE FUTURE
While it’s true that high heels are associated with a whole host of medical problems, including degenerative joint disease and plantar fasciitis, it’s also true that they really do make your legs look great. Plus, they're also known to have some health benefits, not the least of which is improving the tone of the pelvic floor—#win. And why tone your pelvic floor with any old high heel when you could do so with these sole-less Mojito shoes by award-winning bridge architect Julian Hakes? Constructed out of a single piece of laminated carbon fiber that wraps around your foot, these pups are apparently super-easy to walk in and look like the future.
WE GET IT
Alright, Tokyo Fashion Week, we get it—you effortlessly shit all over every other fashion week around the world like it's no big deal. Alice Auaa's collection should have been really annoying in that dire Tim Burton-who-hangs-out-with-David-Cameron gothy way, but for the most part it passes as a pretty decent lesson in how to not make black lace and corsets look like the lamest things ever conceived.