• The First Annual Story Awards - True Crime

    I was working at an art warehouse in Chelsea in like 1994. I was riding my bike home and it was snowing really hard. I got squeezed in between a car and a bus, and I ended up knocking the side-view mirror on the car pretty bad.

  • The First Annual Story Awards - Heavy Shit

    This must have been about 25 years ago. I was 18 and I was getting wasted with my born-again Christian pal and my Nazi skinhead pal. We had been drinking Labatt 50 all day and doing MDA (an early version of E).

  • The First Annual Story Awards - Action!

    This was in Florida in like 1983. It was me and a few fellow metalhead kids riding around, smoking weed, and blasting music. Kill ’Em All had just come out and we were going fucking crazy for it.

  • The First Annual Story Awards - Rock And Roll

    I was leaving Portland’s premier venue when the saxophonist from local cabaret-rock act muttered some cheeky little remark to me. I dropped the nut on him, knocking his two front teeth out and leaving him unable to play his instrument, for which I am...

  • The First Annual Story Awards - Romance

    It was my birthday, and I was sitting at work. I always like to do something on my birthday-I hate birthday parties, but I like to do something else to spoil myself.

  • The First Annual Story Awards - Wtf?!?

    When I broke up with my boyfriend I was left tenderhearted and frail. He cheated on me with some fat bitch and it seemed as though our relationship had run its course. On the upside, I had lost so much weight that my favorite bikini now fit me.