Math Is Not Right

Hypothetical question for you: Let’s say you’re at home at night, nothing going on, and you just settle in for a session of “solo pleasuring action.” And lo, right across the street, beckoning with sporadically-sparkling red neon lights, is an Adult Superstore, the kind you’d find on a Midwest highway in the middle of nowhere. So you have a few beers, and head on over to pick up a dildo or Fleshlight or whatever genital stimulator is your preference, along with some pornography in old-school magazine form, since it reminds you of your youth. The two pieces of paraphernalia, together, cost a total of $110. The genital stimulator costs $100 more than the porn. So, math time: How much does the porn cost?

If you answered $10, you’re probably a Jesus freak. If you said $5, odds are you’re a godless heathen. 

At least those are the findings from a recent study in Science magazine. (Albeit, with a bit more family-friendly scenario.) The conclusion drawn from said study is that those who answered $10 are more intuitive people, folks who “think with their gut,” like George W. Bush and others who are reportedly “fun to have a beer with.” These are the religious types. Meanwhile, the $5 peeps solve their problems analytically, thinking a bit more deeply about the problem, not just jumping to conclusions. 

It should be pointed out, this isn’t a problem with two answers, nor is it a Rorschach test. $5 is really the only answer, if you’re worried about answering correctly. So, instead of “intuitive” and “analytical,” the more accurate phrasing should be “right” and “horribly, stupidly wrong.” 

– Newt Gingrich believes in America and the Constitution. Newt Gingrich believes all Americans have certain unalienable rights that must be upheld. Newt Gingrich wants all North Carolinians to vote for an initiative that will clearly define marriage as being between a man and a woman. Newt Gingrich has been married 49 times.

– In Nigeria, a 

suicide bomber detonated a car near the office of a major newspaper Afghan soldier killed a U.S. service member and an interpreter T-shirt containing a logo that bears a passing resemblance to the Star of David Christians in Seoul attended a prayer meeting to try to stop the upcoming Lady Gaga concert 27-year-old actor portraying Judas was accidentally killed pray that the women in the group all get incurable breast cancer blamed the gay kids for not having strong enough values to determine that suicide isn’t right In Pakistan, a 12-year-old boy was tortured to death by his Quran teachers. suicide bomber blew himself up across the street from a mosque and killed 10 encourage their students to sign a petition against gay marriage band together to form a super-group of anti-gay hate listen to this non-Christ-believer blather on-and-on at their graduation 31 who voted against it, well, they all happened to be male Republicans

-And finally, our Heroes of the Week: Negin Farsad and Dean Obeidallah, who’re working on a documentary film called The Muslims are Coming! It’s about a group of Muslim-American comedians (Farsad and Obeidallah, included) who are touring the country–including, yes, the scary parts–to try to dull the edges of Islamophobia with their jokes.

Previously – Horror Screenplay

@RickPaulas