FINALLY! It’s Ashtray Season. We know it by the influx of sunshine, crop tops, and trailing outdoor bar conversations. It’s the sound of vaccinated cuties flapping in their Adidas pool slides to your patio, BBQ, the park, or whatever safe 'n' slutty summer functions you have planned—and it has us jazzed to refurbish the lot of our ~social~ home decor, from versatile sex furniture to culinary entertaining. (ISO international snack boxes? Same.) We need new patio furniture (well, OK, not need, but these finds for under 100 bucks would be nice), and we want a new catchall for our joints, cigs, and incense; plus hand sanitizer, more joints, and keys. We don’t need cool ashtrays, we need the coolest ashtrays—ones that deliver such a vibe, they can sub in for our nascent post-quar personality as we start to slowly invite people over.
You don’t have to smoke, well, anything, to own a sexy-cool ashtray. But if you do, doesn’t ashing in a slab of hunky marble make all the difference? (And if you’re this deep into a VICE article on the best ashtrays and catchalls, you definitely know at least three smokers.) Doesn’t tap-tapping that joint into a copper cowboy hat spark joy? We want the kitsch, the clever, and the terribly chic on rotation for our smokin’ aesthetic.
Dude, where’s my girlfriend?
This ceramic ashtray doubles as a beautiful centerpiece to put beside your copy of Virgil Abloh’s Taschen book.
Black Death Metal Bracelet Heart Ashtray, $60 at SSENSE
You make a mean queso
This one must to go front-and-center of wherever, because as long as it gets FROW in your home, it will say the absolute most whilst you say the absolute least (you’re busy, and the cat won’t lasso itself). Smoke enough pot, and it will tip its hat and whisper sweet, Western cattle tales into your ear.
Vintage Copper Cowboy Hat Ashtray, $15 at Etsy
The Art Deco impresser
Aside from looking like a 1940s spaceship, this vintage ashtray has three symmetrical platforms for holding your joints, and ample space for ashing so you don’t have to get up, and break the vibe during those late nights to dump the sludge.
Art Deco Ashtray, $35 at Tetra
The one from the kitschiest hotel in America
We would die in a vat of pink Champagne cake from the Madonna Inn, a storied mid-century resort in San Luis Obispo, California that you may recall from our ode to the kitschiest roadside hotels in the US. And it’s all about the colored Mosser glass at the Madonna, from their signature wumbo goblets, to the come-hither, bathing lady ashtrays/soap dishes.
Mosser Bathing Lady, $40 at Coming Soon
Are we in a Hayao Miyazaki movie?
Why does this sweet ashtray feel like a sentient forest creature/lilypad from the forest in Princess Mononoke? Something about that floral center, perfect for actually putting out cigs (as it can be an oh so small water receptacle), is like staring into an all-knowing eye. We’ve had too much to smoke.
Ceramic Ashtray, $15 at Wish
You have a ukulele in the closet
Well, isn’t that rather precious. We almost feel bad, smoking out this lil egg bro. But we know he’s a hard chiller, too. Wake and bake? Yoke ‘n toke, my guy.
Sunny Side Up Cute Egg Ashtray, $8 at Etsy
You’re hitting the DMT
You’re the fun friend with the VIP wristbands. (Also, maybe the one who loses their phone at the festival.) This is basically an adult kaleidoscope, ready to trip you out on that shine the next time you smoke, but it would also look great as a rainbow-reflecting catchall for your thingamajigs. Imagine what a flex it would be, to load this up with luxury condoms.
Crystal Ashtray, $17.99 at Amazon
Somewhere in Italy
This pink marble ashtray looks like it could’ve come from any number of warm weather, Mediterranean villas we’ve seen in a summer romance movie. Pairs best with a bottle of Spanish wine, a lackadaisical Moka Pot, and a book that goes over our heads.
Pink Marble Bowl Decor, $14.99 at Cost Plus World Market
The one with storage
Put matches, joints, tumbleweed nugs, and anything else you want in this Acacia wooden vessel, which is the zenith of *muah* that 1970s A-frame home aesthetic we pine for every day.
Kati Wood Stash Box, $24 at Urban Outfitters
“The World Is Yours”
A hunk of creamy marble that’s fit for a mobster’s cigar, but will have to settle for our lumpy joints. FR though, this shade is the perfect backdrop for gold earrings, keys, and a packet of Marlboro Lights.
Solid Marble Square Cigar Ashtray, $55 at Amazon
Eyes Wide Shut is your favorite holiday movie
We get it! You like kinky shit, but in a Freemason way. So of course your ashtray is a glass snake, and of course that snake is Italian. “[This piece was] inspired by the snake iconography of 18th-century prints,” reads the seller’s description, “[and] the vices are represented with their double aspect: irresistible temptation and lethality.” LOL. But also...hot.
Handmade Glass Ashtray from Serpentine Collection by Simone Crestani, $378.12 at 1stDibs
For the tiki bar
We love people like you. We need people like you, because you are our favorite kind of ambiance director: You come prepared to party with your Guy Fieri-wear, tiki glasses, cocktail recipes (including those with non-alcoholic and adaptogenic spirits). Of course your ashtray is a trip way down to Kokomo.
Oceanworld Ashtray, $13.99 at Amazon
Amazingly, this piece will function just as well in a number of scenes: the coven, the kitsch bar, and the obligatory present of that one person who still has Caddyshack floating around somewhere on VHS.
Boob Ashtray, $23 at Etsy
The Memphis Design flex
There are only a couple hundred of these cool ashtrays in the world, so if you’re looking to build up a serious design collection, this is a squiggly, wiggly, 1980s place to start. “The Squash Gold Ashtray in ceramic was originally designed in 1985 by Maria Sanchez,” explains the seller, “[and] the Squash ashtray is one of the smallest objects in the Memphis Milano collection.” Almost too good to ash in, but basta! That’s what we came here for. So perhaps make it a pseudo-altar centerpiece.
Squash Gold Ashtray, by Maria Sanchez from Memphis Milano, $355.45 at 1stDibs
For reciting your daily affirmations
This is an ashtray, but it is also a shrine to the Almighty Dive of sentences like, “A man is not a necessity. A man is a luxury. Like dessert.” We pay homage to her with this humble, sparkling catchall.
Handmade Cher Glass Ashtray, $9 at Etsy
When the buds are coming over to D&D
“Hey, can you not ash over there? There’s a perfectly good crouching drawing overlooking a quartz pool to your right.” TYSM, Elder Foggernaut.
Ebros Crouching Dragon Guarding Pool Quartz Crystal Quarry Cigarette Ashtray, $18.99 at Wayfair
That’s the bottom of our smoking goody bag, for now. Don’t you dare put that thing out in a mug again, when there are dragons and boobs to be had.
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