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Girl Eats Food - Mint Aero Lamb Rack

Meat, meet chocolate.

Growing up, I developed selective vegetarianism based around a sliding scale of cute. Chickens, for example, were completely edible because they’re stupid chirping fucks who’d rather stand in their own shit than learn to fly. Right at the other end of the spectrum were lambs. How could anyone eat an animal that was so adorable and succulent looking? However, concerned that perhaps I would never experience the excruciating pain of gout, my mother tricked me into trying lamb burgers. One mouthful of that fat-marbled flesh and I was back on the murderous wagon, tearing up supermarket mince like a dick at spring break. Mint Aero Lamb Rack

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This totally works because mint goes with lamb, right? Hello… Is this thing on? You can, of course, use any kind of mint chocolate, but the champion of British confectionery, the bubbly Aero bar, has a special place in my heart. Is there any other chocolate that has tricked girls who eat their feelings so successfully? Or tricked the British public into paying for a chocolate bar which is at least 35 percent air? Ingredients 1 x lamb rack
1 x bar of mint Aero/ bog standard mint chocolate
2 x tablespoons unsweetened cocoa
1 x tablespoon brown sugar
Half a teaspoon of salt
100mls or so of single cream
Half an onion Step 1.

Smash your chocolate up as much as possible and dump in the rest of the dry ingredients. Step 2.

Annihilate everything with a blender until you get a fine chocolate powder. Step 3.

Now coat both sides of your rack, almost like you were giving little lamby a dust bath. Look at his exposed rib cage; this is nature in its most sublime and its most cruel state. Makes you think.    Step 4.

OK, I didn’t know what a "skillet" was so I just used a wok… fuck you. Sear your rack for around three minutes on either side. It may smell like you’ve just thrown some cheap Easter egg chocolate on a bin fire, that’s totally normal. Step 5.

Once seared, cook in the oven at 200c for 20 minutes if you like it slightly pink, or for 30 minutes if you’re afraid of life and like it overdone. While you’re at it, though, why not start using two condoms? And don’t you think you should probably take off all your clothes before you have a shit? You're a pussy, mate. Step 6.

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Meanwhile you can get on with your scrumptious Michelin-worthy sauce. Fry the onion in your leftover meat juice until soft. Step 7.

Chuck in the rest of your magic choco-powder and coat the onions. Step 8.

Throw in the other half of your mint chocolate bar and turn the heat down low so you don’t just get a shitty charcoal swill. Step 9.

Yummy! Stir the cream into your pooey slop… Step 10.

Until it transforms into a glossy brown masterpiece; like chocolate pudding but with onions.

Lamb done, hack the rack into individual meat lollipops (IT’S NOT RAW, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS RAW) and drizzle over your oniony chocolate. Maybe even add some shop-bought mint sauce if your presentation skills are as advanced as mine. And there you have it, lamb so good even a lamb would eat it.

JOANNA FUERTES-KNIGHT

@fuertesknight