You know what we don’t have the budget for these days? Anything other than our own fingers up our own holes. Which is kind of a lie [pumps Aesop soap], but it is hard to part with money from the Let’s Feel Something Budget (cheese, poppers, breathable undies; booze, linen sheets, more poppers) for vibrators that can cost hundreds of dollars. That’s one piece of cheese you don’t get to taste-test before you buy it, man. How do you know if you’re actually getting a whisper-quiet vibrator? Who told you to spring for USB-rechargeable sex toys? (I mean, we did. But we digress.)
The point is, we’ve tried loads of load-busters. We know which vibrators we’d take to the grave, and which ones are best to bring into the rotation when you’ve eaten at the saaaaame restaurant every night of the week (no shade to your partner’s penis ring). We know which sex toys are worth the hype, which ones we’re dying to try (link in bio to the Lelo clitoral vibrator that looks like Gonzo’s nose), and which luxury vibrators we’ll finally be ordering during Prime Day (guten tag, Billy 2).
Yes, Prime Day. The words typically conjur gumdrop dreams of Dyson vacuums, AirPods, and grills, but it’s also the one time of the year when Amazon becomes a weird, horny portal for big sex toy savings. The following vibrators, plugs, and beads are rated “Mad Horny,” and are perfect for those seeking first time vibrators, classic dildos, and elaborate fuck machines.
You know what they say: Happy pubes, happy plebes!
Amazon is offering savings on all kinds of toys, including Kegel vibrators, massage wands, dildos, and more through June 22.
PinkCherry is offering up to 80% off sitewide using the code SUMMER—including big savings on one of our all-time faves, the Satisfyer Pro. The brand is also offering a complimentary three-speed bullet vibe at checkout when you buy select products.
Ella Paradis is offering up to 85% off and a complimentary full-sized lube with the purchase of a special edition B-Vibe with the code HOT at checkout until June 30. (You can also get a free Ruby Finger Vibe—a $38.79 value—with any order of a Better Love product.)
Lovehoney is offering 40% off the Power Play 7 Function Classic Vibrator until midnight—a solid, slightly textured 6-incher with great girth.
Dame is one of the most thoughtful, woman-founded and -owned sex toy companies out there. Their design and engineering is top-notch (see: the hands-free clitoral vibe, Eva), and the matte, minimalist toy aesthetic is worthy of a prized place on the nightstand. They’re offering 21% off all orders over $50 with the code PRIME21 until June 22.
See you in the sex furniture aisle.
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. VICE may receive a small commission if you buy through the links on our site.