Holidays

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  • Christmas Ads for People Who Hate Christmas Ads

    Tis the season when big advertisers roll out “emotional” commercials to try and guilt you into buying your loved ones shit they don’t need. Many people call this “the most wonderful time of the year.” You and I do not.

  • Google Stalked Santa Claus and a Website Ranked States by Their Average Penis Size

    This week, Google launched a website that tracks Santa Claus's location, some idiots ate raw beef in the name of tradition, and a website named Condomania.com ranked states by their residents' average penis size. As you can probably tell, it was a...

  • Celebrating Hasidic Mardi Gras in Crown Heights

    The Orthodox Hasidic Jewish lifestyle seems grim and austere, but for a day during the weeklong harvest festival Sukkot, the streets of Crown Heights run wild with throngs of be-hatted and bearded Hasids drunkenly dancing in the street.

  • People and Brands Have No Idea How to Commemorate 9/11

    It's September 11, which means every man, woman, child, and corporation must take to Twitter and broadcast inane, occasionally bizarre, professions of patriotism. Is this really the best way to honor a tragedy we can come up with?

  • Remembering Independence Day Behind Bars

    Other than getting some bonerable melon, there wasn't anything good about spending Independence Day in prison. It was another ugly reminder that us inmates were missing out on the real world. Anyone we talked to outside was going to tell us about the...

  • Most Neediest Forgotten Charities

    During the holiday season, America's charities are highlighted in the popular media and, hence, deluged with donations. But each year, regardless of the economy or collective good will, some of the neediest of the of the needier needy charities are...