NHL
Don’t Hate the Player, Hate the Game
In a nation that looks to professional sports for everything that it is missing—heroism, greatness, collective triumph—the spate of labor disputes that continue to rock pro leagues offers some sobering lessons.
This Week In Florida - Cooking Children, Eye-Gouging, and Diarrhea
A puppeteer is arrested for allegedly planning to cook and eat children, strip clubs, crowbars, and pills. In other words, a normal week in Florida.
Pat Burns’s Perfect Career Not Good Enough, Apparently
Thank you very much, pink faces of the Hockey Hall of Fame selection committee. I had one chance to enjoy a boring thing, and you wrecked it.
Dickey on Fire
R.A. Dickey has the fastest knuckleball in baseball history and will be ruining the lives of hitters until they're eventually replaced with robots.
God Hates Beds
This week God spoke to former NFL player Kevin Ellison and told him to torch his bed with a blunt.
The Wide World of Balls - Haha, Dude Got Hit in the Sack!
This week Alex Gordon got a ball in the nuts and Lawrence Taylor earned more money to pay for his underage prostitutes.
This Week in Balls - May 7, 2012
Lots of balls this week, including Jim Harden's of the Thunder. Which makes us wonder, are his balls as semi-Dan Haggis hairy as his face?
This Week in Balls - May 2, 2012
Racist hockey tweets, the Brooklyn Nets, the NFL draft, and more in the column with the biggest balls of them all.
NHL Playoff Picks: Jonah from Fucked Up Vs. a Southern Stathead: Round II, Part I
The first round of the NHL playoffs are over and not a damn thing has been settled. Luckily, our hockey oracles are back to pick which team will make it to the next round.
The Week in Balls - April 17, 2012
For this week's serving of balls, we've got NHL playoffs, Wildcat basketball, and Opening Day in baseball.
NHL Playoff Picks: Jonah from Fucked Up Vs. a Southern Stathead: Round 1, Part II
Hoser hardcore punk Jonah Falco and advanced sports statistics nerd Sam Page go head-to-head in a playoff picking battle.
This Week in Balls - April 9, 2012
Tim Tebow drew 15,000 people when he spoke at a Texas church on Easter Sunday. There is no word yet on whether he turned water into wine.