The Hopelessness Issue

  • Hopelessness

    Bob Odenkirk breaks down the word "hopelessness" in this depressing-ass poem that should be handed out to college students on class registration day. Because with a degree in something like embroidery, you'll be spending the rest of your life wallowing...

  • No Warning 7: Ambushed

    I arrived back home in New Jersey the airport was full of fearful folk running around with their hands above their heads, doing the Steve Martin and screaming, “The sky is falling! The sky is falling!” We were 24 hours away from getting ass-raped by...

  • Employees of the Month

    Patrick is VICE Canada’s new managing editor, but dude’s been with us for quite a bit now. He bided his time by doing the boring shit like online-advertising operations until he told us Anonymous wanted to have a baby with him and started writing about...

  • Behind the Scenes at VICE Magazine

    Hey Thomas, Johnny hasn't turned in his new comic yet and he's not answering his phone or email. I want you to go out to his place and see what's up.

  • What’s It Like Pulling Refugees Out of Australian Waters?

    Australia has to deal with thousands of illegal immigrants sneaking through its borders each year. We spoke to a patrol-boat sailor to find out what it’s really like out there on the wild sea.

  • Hello, I Am Going to Die Because I Killed People

    A few months ago, a death-row inmate sent our music editor a fan letter. He seems like a nice guy on paper—on the other hand, he did shoot a guy, hack him into pieces, and put them into a suitcase.

  • Broken Hearts, Lost Minds, and Missing Limbs

    I am an American reporter. Aziz and I have worked together in Afghanistan since 2004. On this trip, I am reporting on the consequences of more than 30 years of war by spending time with a handful of its victims.

  • You Will Never Be as Rich as These Pets

    You’re going to die a poor, sad schmuck. But do you know who is rich? Animals! The following pets are all millionaires, and you’re still trying to use that expired student ID to get two bucks off at the movies on Tuesday night.

  • Santa Daddy

    She walked into the other room and came back holding up a Santa suit. And you bet your ass I put it on. I put it on like it was my bar mitzvah suit and we had to be at temple in five minutes.

  • Realness, to the Extreme

    Couldn’t the consistently shitty foundation of almost everything we are and live with be some kind of necessary substructure of checks and balances? Like, a carefully evolutionary-ed trias politica, in the interest of maintaining a relatively stable...

  • Hawaiian Monk Seals!

    Like many sea-dwelling mammals, Hawaiian monk seals are finding it nearly impossible to live in and around an ocean that has been raped, pillaged, polluted, and generally used as a landfill-cum-toilet by humanity since the halcyon days of the...

  • Beef and Oil

    Yes, that thing that looks like Earth’s gaping, bleeding asshole is a half-mile-by-half-mile runoff pool of cow shit and piss. It’s from Mishka’s new series, which consists of mega-high-resolution composite satellite images of cattle farms and oil...