• Thanks, America, But You Can Have The Madden Brothers Back Now

    The first band I saw live was Blink 182. It was at the Brisbane Entertainment Centre when I was 14 years old. I loved Blink 182. I wanted to marry, dry hump, kiss-on-the-lips-but-no-tongue Blink 182. As a result, the only thing I felt for their rivals...

  • What's More Important: Fried Chicken or Animal Rights?

    After saving up throughout his entire summer, British teenager Olly Tyler bought (not rented—bought) an $1100 chicken suit and headed to his local KFC to protest. The diners responded by pelting him with packets of sauce and punching him in the head...

  • My Family’s War with Animal Activists

    I belong to a doggy dynasty. My grandfather showed dogs at Westminster, my brother’s partner runs a puppy spa, and my mother owns Puppy Palace, one of the biggest private puppy stores. We’re the Kennedys of the pet industry—except instead of...

  • Republicans Don't Know How to Party

    Tampa's nightlife has been dead since the convention. Where are all the secretly deviant Republicans I’ve heard so much about? Has the party followed Romney’s lead and given up all stimulants and intoxicants?

  • I Was Banned from Public Access TV by the Age of 11

    The stoners loved my show but PETA didn't.

  • I Went to the Belmont Stakes So You Didn’t Have To

    The Sport of Kings may not have the bulimic jockeys, juiced horses, or crooked track owners of its heyday, but watching it is still one of the greatest thrills on Earth.