The dance of courtship is complicated for human beings. Without breeding plumage or a mating season, there are no obvious indicators as to whether someone is into you. So our flirtations are clumsy, awkward, and rife with potential for failure.
In the interest of everyone’s romantic happiness, I do not recommend you employ any of these Pokémon-themed pickup lines, which I stumbled upon during some completely routine Google searches, I swear. There is only one occasion I can think of where it might work: at a Pokémon tournament, where the person delivering the line has an obscene amount of suavity and confidence, and the person receiving has a weakness for terrible puns.
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Some of the pickup lines I found were cutesy and G-rated, like “Are you a Pikachu? Because you’re shockingly beautiful.” But the ones attempting to mix erotica with goddamn Pokémon were the ones that held my horrified attention.
Here is a ranking of some of the most cringeworthy Pokémon-themed pickup lines I found, either floating around on joke sites or on a Tumblr made specifically for this purpose.
Image: The Pokémon Company
1. You’re such a good catch, I think I’ll use my only MASTER BALL on you.
Image: The Pokémon Company
2. If I were a Gastly, I’d seep right through your pants.
Image: The Pokémon Company
3. When I’m around you, I’m like a Geodude: hard as a rock.
Image: The Pokémon Company
4. When I look at you, my Metapod can’t get any harder.
Image: The Pokémon Company
5. You’ll be Bulba-sore after I’m done with you.
Image: The Pokémon Company
6. I Machoke my chicken to you.
Image: The Pokémon Company
7. Want my Caterpie to use String Shot on you?
Image: The Pokémon Company
8. My Exeggcute are pretty weak. Let’s battle so they can get some experience.*
*We don’t even understand this one, so if you can help, let us know.
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Illustration by Reesa.
