Toby Fehily
Typhoid, Horny Female Truckies and an Onslaught of Weed
Two outbreaks swept through the Northern Territory last week, forcing government intervention and scrambled attempts to warn the public. One was a weed known as rubber vine, the other, typhoid.
Watermelon Attacks, Rogue Cows and Dog Sperm Thieves
Car bombs tore through Iraq this week, killing 17 people. In Darwin, a man climbed on a bus and attacked a bus driver with a watermelon.
Fugitive Pigs, Shitting Echidnas and a Sandwich Fight
Last week, the Northern Territory was wracked by a four-day fugitive pig hunt in Darwin, a crisis that engulfed the council, police, government and the public at large.
Christmas Riots, Mums Ripping Assholes, and Snakes in a Childcare Center
It was the most wonderful time of the year. Good tidings and good cheer spread across the Northern Territory over the Christmas season, along with alcohol-fuelled riots.
Sex, Defecation, and a Spate of "Fridgings
It was another slow week in NT news, only four crocodile incidents and the end of the world.
Chloride Bombs, Half-Naked Cab Rides and the Hookers Ball
First up, the NT spent $50,000 to ship a saltie to Brisbane on a commercial flight with passengers. They even brushed the bastard’s teeth before take-off. On the same day, The Conversation posted an opinion piece on why a culling won’t solve the...
Killer Mangoes, Kid-Eating Crocs, and Crackers Up Clackers
It was a good week for dressing like pig in a steakhouse, but a bad week for mangoes and not being eaten by a crocodile.
Crocs in Houses, People in Crocs, and Guys Peeing on Everyone
This week was a good week for the Northern Territory. Crocodiles have been turning up in houses and golf courses, but so far no human bodies have turned up in crocodiles (this week, that is).
Seals Are Assholes
Australian fur seals may sound like stuffed animals with a pulse, but in reality they’re greedy blobs of fat who will eat all of Tasmania’s salmon if the current situation is left unchecked. For these fatties, salmon is “like a cross between a Big Mac...
Worst Riot Ever
Last week, Muslims in Melbourne called for a Sunday protest against the anti-Islam film 'Innocence of Muslims.' Not to be outdone, a group of angry bogans circulated a spicy text message calling for Australians to “come ready for battle." It had all...
Lap That Shit Up
Even if you think your shit doesn’t stink, consider that at one point or another your thirst has probably been quenched by water from a septic tank.