Olympic Energy Nachos

OLYMPIC ENERGY NACHOS – THE RECIPE

I don’t know about you, but we’re only a few days in to London 2012, and all this talk of sprinting and jumping over shit and cycling at 70 miles per hour against tattooed packs of German lesbians has knackered me out already. So, to keep up with all the high-octane Olympics watching you’ll be doing on your sofa that stinks of fags, Doritos and spilt Guinness, here’s a tasty take on the TV treat that is nachos. Only these are jam-packed with all the magic medicines athletes use to keep them chirpy, so there’ll be no more falling asleep in front of the dressage for you guys.

Ingredients

Energy Tablet Nachos

1 x pack of corn tortillas
Lots x dextrose energy tablets

Step 1.

Cut your tortillas into nachos with a tiny pair of (FRESHLY CLEANED) pube scissors that make you feel like that 50ft Voldemort thing from the opening ceremony when you use them.

Step 2.

Crush dextrose tablets in a pestle and mortar till you have something I like to call “Dwain Chambers Berocca”.

Step 3.

Sprinkle the powder over your nachos with some oil and seasoning and then bake in a hot oven.

Cod Liver Salsa

Lots x fresh tomatoes
Coriander
Lots x cod liver oil tablets

Step 1.

Chop up your tomatoes and coriander for the salsa.

Step 2.

Add chopped-up cod liver oil tablets and more lime-flavoured energy tablets. It’s vital that you stare at it really, really close, like this picture suggests you should. Looks neat, huh? Like a termite colony, or something.

Muscle Max Melt

Loads of cheddar cheese
1 x tablespoon Muscle Max

Melt the cheese over a bain-marie with Muscle Max until it forms into a righteous fondue slop.

Guarana Guacamole

3 x avocados
Seasoning
1 x swig of guarana

For the guacamole, mush up your avocado with seasoning and slop in some guarana.

Finally, dump all your energy laden snacks together and enjoy the Olympics from the comfort of your sofa while buzzing like you just swallowed Queen Latifah’s vibrator.

Bone-appetit!

JOANNA FUERTES-KNIGHT

@fuertesknight

Previously: Girl Eats Food – Fake Cheese Cheesecake

Really fucking hungry? Check out Joanna Fuertes-Knight’s (totally free) online cookbook! It’s got every Girl Eats Food recipe ever in it.