Moochers are the worst. We’ve all had friends who are constantly borrowing money, bumming smokes, and crashing on our couches, and when it gets to be too much we simply kick them to the curb and forget they ever existed. But the water gets muddy when the moocher in question is your grandson’s father. As always, Ron has the perfect advice for this most delicate situation.

Hey Ron!

I’m experiencing some serious family drama here. My younger sister still lives at my mother’s house RENT FREE along with her deadbeat boyfriend and their two-year-old kid. Now this boyfriend is a real man-child. He doesn’t work, plays Xbox all day, goes out with his friends all night, and doesn’t wash dishes, take out the trash, or even buy milk. And my sister pays for all of his stuff. I just found out that they spent their tax refund on a new Lexus. Every time my mom tries to tell him anything he runs crying (literally!) to my sister like a little bitch. And the idiot always takes his side. She’s told my mom to stay out of her business. But that’s kinda hard considering her business lives in the next room over. Now the real problem is my mom’s giving tree mentality. She complains to me about the situation, yet doesn’t want me to start anything because my sister will take her only grandson away and she’ll never see them again. What can I do? I’m sick of this asshole taking advantage of my mother, her house, and my family. My mother needs to grow a backbone and at least lay down some rules and my sister needs to wake up and see this guy for what he really is. I’m one step away from trying voodoo to get rid of him.

Thanks,
Ynez

Dear Ynez,

The first thing I would do is pull him to the side and address him. I wouldn’t care what my sister said. At the end of the day, my sister is my sister. That’s my blood. Men will come and go, friends will come and go, but family is supposed to be forever. So I would have pulled his coat and said “Listen, you know, you need to get a job or whatever.” Then I would talk to my sister—have a group meeting, intervention, whatever, but get together and talk about this because him taking advantage of everybody is not cool. Somebody needs to put a foot in him and straighten things out because if not he’s going to continue to take advantage of that household. Nobody is asking him to pay rent, nobody is asking him to cook, and he’s got a good life. Everybody wants a life like that.

But your sister is enjoying this situation too. They bought a Lexus with her hard-earned tax money because they live rent-free. The problem is he’s taking things to the next level by not doing anything at all. I’m guessing from your name, “Ynez,” that you’re Hispanic. If your mother was black she would throw some hot grits on them and say “Dude, you better get out of my house.” Maybe your mom should throw some hot grits on him.

Hispanic people typically have big families. Why doesn’t your mother just call one of her six brothers to come over there and beat the crap out of that guy? If it was me, I’d call some friends up, put a hoodie on, and run up on this cat and beat him down. I wouldn’t let him take advantage of my sister like that.

If your sister is threatening to take away your mother’s only grandson while she lives under her roof, then you should tell her to hit the bricks. She’ll be back when she realizes he’s not pulling his weight. She’s going to need help with things like cooking, shopping, and paying bills, and that guy isn’t going to cut it. She’s not complaining because she’s living rent-free, but if your mom kicked them out then she’d be back in two months, tops. End of story.

Love,
Ron

Previously on Hey Ron!

MY COUSIN’S HOT

STEREOTYPES ABOUT BLACKS

THE UPS AND DOWNS OF THE L

No problem is too big for our man Ron. If you’ve got something on your chest, send an email to vice@viceland.com.