Behind the Pets, Pasta, Shoes, and Glasses

October 21, 2010, 8:00pm

When Vice asked me to shoot Pets. Pasta. Shoes. Glasses. I graciously accepted and then proceeded to scratch my head for days.1. I had no idea how we were ever in a million years going to find enough people with weird pets in a city. 2. And honestly, maybe this should even be number 1, but I didn’t “get it.” At pitch time the whole thing seemed a little Adult Swim-ish to me and I haven’t been into the pot since college. Sorry, hippie dad. Here’s the thing, though. Andrea Rosen was pitching this story and I am a huge fan of hers. So not only was I not sure what was so funny, I was also insecure that my comedy palette wasn’t sophisticated enough to keep up. Andrea and Vice sitting together at the cool kids’ comedy table and me, as usual, the nerd with the balls peeking out of his Umbros.

Cut to a few weeks and many Facebook listings for “exotics owners” later, and we were sitting on a full-brimmed menagerie of snakes and hairless rat-dogs and weird, weird humans who think owning these kind of mutant beasts is an acceptable fancy. Speaking of, I sincerely hope somebody on the L train happened to lock eyes with a hot girl carrying a ceiling fan box and considered chatting her up, all the while oblivious to the fact that he was swapping breaths with a six foot boa constrictor that she takes naps with. Who else were you checking out? Someone with a cake box the size of a human head? Just saying.

In conclusion, the alpaca was walked into the photo studio and IMMEDIATELY started crapping, and the baby goat pissed a lot too. As if I weren’t already totally on board at this point, I finally got what was so funny.