LONDON – ADDERALL

FINALLY it’s happening. Drug dealers are selling Adderall in Britain.

Previously only available by prescription for people with ADD or for Hollywood actors who party too much and need to be “on point” during 17-hour shoots on shitty movies for 6 months a year, British dealers are now doling it out for like £20 for 20. Which is a LOW fucking price.

For those of you who don’t know, Adderall gives a super pure, speedy, cocaine-y vibe but without the madness, confusion, irrational behaviour and lame third album (if you’re a musicican).

In short, it’s perfect for people who have stressful jobs with lots of things happening at once and where you have to have new ideas all the time. As we wrote in the magazine a while back, “it turns you into YOU times a thousand.”

The reason we mention this is because we saw the story which reported that a new survey has revealed that the number of British school children sniffing cocaine has DOUBLED in the last year. DOUBLED? Can you imagine school kids on coke? No wonder Gordon Brown has upped the education budget. How the fuck are kids going to pass their exams if they’re doing cocaine? They’re more likely to be jerking off to porn on their phones, forming gangs, getting married in Vegas and having gang tattoos on their hands.

This is a message to Gordon Brown. Give the kids Adderall and watch the GCSE results ROCKET. I can get this guy I know to send you some to test it if you want.

Disclaimer: We do not encourage recreational drug abuse.