Watch These Comedians Fail at Talking Shit about “EDM”

The internet has been great for stand-up comedy. Career trajectories that once required laborious stints in dingy bars and barely populated comedy clubs spent balancing crippling substance addictions with a deep sense of self-loathing now only take the two minutes spent borrowing your mom’s laptop and setting up a Twitter account.

For any budding comedian, it’s all about the hot take. Since the internet, you don’t actually need to write jokes, instead you just have to look at what everyone else in the world is talking about and writing about, and make a vaguely relevant comment about it.

Take this amazing example first spotted by Ministry of Sound, made by a group called Comedians On, an online banter brigade who recently decided to give EDM a bit of a seeing to. Uh oh, Diplo, somebody’s ears are burning!

Thing is though, while the title says EDM — conventionally used to refer to multi-million dollar stadium filling fistpump peddlers — the video actually goes way further, becoming an ill-informed swipe all of dance music that just shows them up to be clueless. Somebody call the comedy police! I just heard some shots fired!

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A Deeper Analysis

EDM stands for… “Ear Drum Murder”

Turn that repetitive racket off will you? We’re trying to watch Whose Line Is It Anyway? over here!

Or does EDM stand for… “Erectile Dysfunction Mom”

They only call her that because she’s ugly. Burn! Burn! Punchline! Burn!

“You can’t have sex to EDM because the tempo is too fast.”

That’s not entirely true. I had sex to this last night. Just thrust in halftime, bro.

“EDM encompasses a whole bunch of subgenres! House, Electro, Techno, Hardcore, Garage, Basement…Butthole Origami.”

Zing! Classic Ray! Well somebody had to say it! Dance music has a real problem with too many genres, even though deep down we all know it’s just the same beat over and over again. You know what doesn’t have too many genres? Rock, and those guys know how to play actual instruments.

“You want a light show? No, I’m a grown man, get your hands out of my face.”

He’s a grown man! He doesn’t want spectacle! He has important adult activities to pursue liking filming himself telling jokes to teenagers and uploading them on a Youtube channel, only to spend the rest of the day searching Twitter to see if his name is trending.

“Given the choice I would rather be hit with a club than go to a club.”

Real talk!

“Literally every DJ name is taken!”

Preach sister! Have your tried DJ Kelly Vroom-Vroom?

“Father, I don’t want to play the cello you bought me, I want to play my computer button!”

The lid has finally been lifted. Much like George Carlin’s famous, but now clearly surpassed, “Religion is Bullshit” skit, this section of the video exposes the lie that DJs have built false empires upon. I also can’t believe nobody has ever made this point before. Tell you what, we should convert it into meme form and post it next to some Freddie Mercury lyrics, along with a statement about “real music”. That’d be sick.

“All the songs sound exactly the same.”

One time me and Loy Lee went out to the club together but he hated it so we went home and shared the futon in his mother’s front room.

“You guys this thing is broken, how do I fix it? Oh, this is the music?”

When your punchlines sound like setups, you’re doing comedy wrong.

Follow Angus on Twitter for hot-takes and hilarious rants about EDM.