Ron Hemphill

  • Hey Ron! Should I Dress to Impress?

    I never dress to impress anyone. At the end of the day, my character should speak for itself. I’m not wearing an Armani or Hickey Freeman suit. I’m out here to represent Ron, not a tailor. If someone wants me to get dressed up for a party, that’s a...

  • Hey Ron! Is Bald Beautiful?

    I don’t know if I could date a bald-headed woman, because people might think we’re twins or something. I do know we’d save a lot of money on shampoos and trips to the salon. That’s a car payment right there.

  • Hey Ron! Will the Flu Kill Me?

    You should avoid the subways. There are people that sneeze on the train and I just want to smack them. I’ve seen people pick their nose and then grab the rail. I look at them like, “Really?” And they say, “Sorry.” But they aren’t sorry for what they...

  • Hey Ron! Should I Marry a Manslut?

    I fell in love with a guy three years back when I saw a shirtless pic of him on my girl’s phone. Since then, he's had his way with most of my girlfriends. But none of them understand him like I do. Am I making a mistake trying to turn this man into a...

  • Hey Ron! with a Vengeance

    Yippie ki-yay, VICE readers! Ron is back. Our office soothsayer has finally returned after a long and ragged journey filled with tribulations, advice giving, and redemption.

  • Hey Ron! - Why Is My Mother Mad That She Caught Me Having Sex?

    I’ve been caught having sex before. And I’m sure my daughter has probably gotten down in my house. But I would be go crazy if I ever actually caught her bumping uglies under my roof. I know it sounds weird, but it's all about respect.

  • Hey Ron! - Should I Sell My Piss and Dirty Panties?

    We’re in a recession for crying out loud. Times are hard and everybody has to have a hustle, even if that hustle involves urine-soaked dirty drawers. I won't hate if you do it, just don't put a return address on your pee and panties package.

  • Hey Ron! - Why Can't We Have Anything Nice?

    I understand that kids want to wild-out. I've done everything in the book. I was so bad when I was younger in the projects that I even surfed the train. So, I get it. I know you young people want to go nuts and act dumb, but trust me, you are only...

  • Hey Ron! - Do You Believe in Ghosts?

    I think it’d be really cool if there were some Caspers around, some nice ghosts that I could just hang out, watch the game, or listen to music with. That would be great. They could keep me company but they wouldn't eat all my food or dirty up my place.

  • Hey Ron! - What's the Fourth of July About?

    Watching your family grill under the influence and seeing criminal-provided fireworks.

  • Hey Ron – Is It Too Late to Get a Beach Body?

    Yes, you are way too late. It’s the end of June, you idiot.

  • Hey Ron! - What Should I Get My Dad for Father's Day?

    Considering all the money I’ve sunk into being a dad, it wouldn’t be too much if my daughter rolled up to my crib on Father’s Day with a brand new Ferrari.