No nudity, no wanking, no contact with the outside world whatsoever... how hard could it be?
Potential solutions for January ennui that don't involve excessive movement or giving something up.
Cum together right now, over me.
A new documentary follows the story of former ITV host Dan Lobb, who was the victim of sextortion.
"Come back on live stream Matt I need to masturbate."
It's time you recognize your first orgasm as the seminal event it was... and then talk about it on the internet.
'Hard BreXXXit' has Theresa May fucking Donald Trump behind a lectern – but what does it say about the human condition?
We spoke to both perpetrators and victims.
Yer Dad's record collection and every band who sat on MTV’s brown couch in 2007 are all represented.
"I picture him sitting alone at a desk, hunched eagerly over his phone or tablet, aggressively beating one out. Lovely."
Let these men wank in peace!
In honour of the International Left-Handers Day, we found out how much truth lies in the internet rumour virtues of non-dominant hand masturbating.