The World Needs This App That Plays Nickelback To Stop You Contacting Your Ex

Picture this: it is 1am on a week night. You’ve just come back from having a few high percentage pilsners with some friends and now you’re a lethal combination of half-cut, horny, and bored. You think to yourself “I wonder what is up to now.” You clumsily type their name into Facebook even though you deleted them months ago, safe in the knowledge that their page is public anyway, but just as you’re about to click on their profile pic to see how much weight they’ve gained since losing you, the screen goes black and “Photograph” by Nickelback stars blasting out of your phone speakers. You cry.

This is the idea behind “Nickelblock” – an app that plays a Nickelback song whenever you try to contact your ex. Not only does it work as a form of emotional conditioning, like Pavlov’s dog for Tinder users, but its creators also understand that the only pain and humiliation greater than social media stalking your ex while you’re at work, doing a lunchtime poo, is accidentally cracking the deathly silence of the office toilets with the opening bars of “How U Remind Me”.

If you build up an immunity, the app will keep downloading and charging you for MORE Nickelback songs until you are punished for scrolling through your ex’s Instagram feed by having all of Silver Side Up permanently installed on your phone, just like Apple did with that U2 album, only this time you deserved it. And if you see your ex out in the real world where there is no Nickelblock to protect you, your body will already be conditioned so that everything they say about their new job and girlfriend and how you should catch up properly sometime will be replaced by Chad Kroeger whinging “LOOK AT THIS PHOTOGRAPH“.

Unfortunately, Nickelblock is not a real app (YET), it exists only within the fictional confines of a sketch by the comedy group Lady Products, but I think we can all agree it could literally save lives – maybe even those of Kroeger and Avril Lavigne. #RIPChavril.

Watch the whole sketch below and somebody, for the love of god, launch a Kickstarter.