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This is a post-op picture of our interview subject’s catastrophic penile fracture. CLICK THIS PHOTO IF YOU HAVE NOT EATEN WITHIN THE LAST HOURVideos by VICE
How will I know if I’ve broken my penis?
And I’m sure the operation to fix this is totally painless.
Give it to me in plain English.
Can we get a photo?
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Scientists in India have invented a liquid drug, Kamagra Oral Jelly, that makes Viagra feel like a baby aspirin.
Available from coke dealers in London at 100mg for £5, it comes in mint, orange, or pineapple flavor.
I took an entire sachet of pineapple at 10:30 PM on a Wednesday. I’d fucked my girlfriend four hours previously and I had the flu, so the odds of getting an erection were low.
Yet 30 minutes in, my head started throbbing, my face went red, and my dick started getting hard. I told my girl it was her duty to test my cock out, and because she only gets fucked about three times a week maximum, she complied.
I’m delighted to say that my dick got so inhumanly hard that I fucked her for one-and-a-half hours straight, or however long it was that the Eminem documentary I was watching over her shoulder took to play out.
Then she fell asleep. I stayed up for four more hours playing PlayStation with the worst headache ever.
The next day yielded a couple of unprompted, painful boners, which made it really hard to take a sit-down shit in the morning. Still, my girlfriend’s been really mellow for hours, so I’d definitely think about taking Kamagra again.
ANDRE CORPER
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Escort rates are skyrocketing. Last year, you could get a cute guy to come over and tongue your asshole all night for £200. These days, you’re looking at £800. Enter Joe Loner—the no-fees, no-strings-attached gay escort who’s making a real name for himself in the rent-boy scene.
Based in a council flat in Islington, Joe has no fees and a progressive “no condoms” policy. If visit, don’t look for a boyfriend-y experience. Joe never takes his face out from under his sheets. He just lies there on his bed while you fuck the shit out of him.
When our photographer asked him to explain why he’s so generous with his tattooed ass, Joe mumbled, “Just get on with it.”
JON SPRITE
