Kara crabb

  • Barely Legal: Jessie Andrews Is a Jack-of-All-Trades

    When I first saw Jessie Andrews doing sexy naked stuff on film, it blew my mind. Everything about her performance seemed so honest, refreshing, and visually stunning. She is only 20-years-old and started in the industry as soon as she turned 18, which...

  • Girl Eats Placenta

    When my very pregnant friend called recently to tell me that she had arranged for her placenta to be encapsulated and invited me to come watch the whole process, it was a dream come true. I had been dropping subtle hints to her for months.

  • A Sweatshop of One's Own

    What if the crap-manufacturing industry collapses and all of the indentured servants the US employs there are no longer able to produce cheaply manufactured garments? What atrocities would Americans be forced to wear? To illustrate this predicament, I...

  • My Favorite Disease, Noma

    Brace yourselves. A lot of you will probably hate the photos you’re about to see in this article, but they’re not meant to make you feel sad and scared; they’re meant to make you understand something cool about your stupid face.

  • How to Have An Orgasm with Your Vagina

    It has come to my attention that a lot of grown-ass women out there have yet to experience an orgasm, which makes me want to jump off a cliff on to a bed of sharpened dildos. Orgasms are important, and you need to be able to make yourself come. I know...

  • Let's Colonize Outer Space

    I would like to donate my ova to NASA so that they can raise babies in a highly controlled environment, see how human physiology changes over time/in weird circumstances, and help us get on track to colonize Mars.

  • Motivational Hemorrhoids

    Say you’re in a relationship and you start feeling isolated because you have needs that the other person just doesn’t understand. Don’t let it fester in your asshole until it starts prolapsing and bleeding out of control. Tackle it right away.

  • An Inconvenient Urethra

    It’s so weird that I stumbled across the GoGirl when I did, because I was JUST talking about how women are so stupid and shitty. I mean, we get raped all the time, we can’t do math, our literature sucks, and worst of all, we have to pee sitting down...

  • Keep Your Reputation Tight with Reconstructive Hymen Surgery (or, if You're Poor, Chinese Hymens)

    Whores, do I have some good news for you: Reverting your vagina to its pre-popped state is possible. (Not in the medical sense, of course, but in the by-the-standards-of-the-poorly-educated-and-ultrareligious sense.) In fact, many women around the...

  • DIY Halloween Costumes: Torso in a Suitcase

    Playboy bunny? Catwoman? Get out of here! Nothing makes a man want to eat you out more than looking totally fucking insane.

  • DIY Halloween Costumes: Michelle Obama

    Halloween is hands down the best thing that has ever been invented. Every week this month, I am going to show you how to make a totally kewl Halloween costume, because I’m tired of seeing a bunch of you dressed like the Mario Brothers and/or sexy cats...

  • Anthony Jeselnik Is Killing Me

    Anthony Jeselnik is my ultimate dream crush. In fact, I'm going to have to type this entire article with just one hand. Interviewing him was one of the most excruciating things I’ve ever had to endure, because not only was he incredibly handsome, sharp...