VALENTINES IS SHITE

If you are lucky enough to be cornered into a terrifying relationship that makes you panic and sweat at night as it hurtles towards Christ-knows-what, then you are probably booked up for the Valentines Day period, you will be trying to act relaxed over an average meal while other couples do the same, you lucky thing. But if you are single, then what will you do with yourself? Well – luckily there are provisions made for the singletons and those recently freed from the shackles of love.

The guys at the Curzon Cinema in Soho will be laying on all sorts of free activities for loners from 7pm on the 15th, with DJs playing “he/she’s not good enough for me anyway” songs to perk you up, a Rebound Lounge with a staff counsellor trying to tell you ‘it’s not you, it’s them”, and a competition for the best break up line with points for originality, harshness and empathy. I happen to live with one of the Curzon guys, and can guarantee a high level of bitterness and negativity, at least around him, so if that’s your deal, give it a go. You can get drunk and cry about how old and lonely you are.