Overheard in the Queue for the Queen's Lying-in-State

This week, London has transformed into an elaborate maze of queues, all for thousands of people to see the Queen lying in state ahead of her funeral on Monday. There are queues to get into The Queue, queues to get a cup of tea, queues to collect the wristband that you need to queue – all very orderly, all very British. 

It’s just like the queue at Tesco, apart from it’s now five miles long, takes 14 hours to complete and everyone is clutching either flowers or pink cans of gin and tonic. The atmosphere is not unlike the queue to get into Berghain: It starts jovial, with people chatting away, before becoming solemn and silent when you get to the front and things get serious. Also, most people are in black. 

I headed down and stood for hours in the queue to see what I could overhear. 

“Janet rang me last night and said, ‘I can’t believe those idiots in that huge queue.’ I told her that I was joining it in the morning.”

“This is a test in initiative: Find the end of the queue.”

“I’m going to miss my train home, I’ll have to jump it.”

“This queue is the queue to get in the queue; the last three hours has been the appetiser.”

“They don’t queue like this in New Zealand – this is a phenomenal queue.”

Person One: “It’s more of a slow walk than a queue, anyway.”
Person Two: “I don’t think it would take me 11 hours to walk five miles.” 

[on the phone] “Hellooo girlies, guess where I am!”

“If I see the GB News lot I’m going to say hello – they feel like my friends.”

Police officer: “I want to go home and see my wife, I’ve been here for five days.” 

“I just want to get in there and get a little bit of her [the Queen] inside of me.” [touches heart sincerely]

“We’ll never get these days back.”

“The cabbie wouldn’t take money from us on the way here, because we were showing our respects.”

“They’ve shut the queue for six hours! My friend is now queuing for the reopening of the queue.”

“I was going to come during the night but I was worried that there would be undesirables on the Tube.”

“There’s nothing like a good queue.”

Person 1: “If you would have asked me if I’d done this a week ago I’d have said, ‘not in a million years.’”
Person 2: “If you asked me yesterday I’d have said that.”
Person 3: “Did they force you to come?”
Person 2: “Yes.”

“She’s probably not actually in the coffin.”

“The King might be there – this is the best day of my life.”

“I think the Prince Andrew stuff finished her off.” 

A woman leaving halfway through the queue: “This is not for me.”

“I will never complain about the queue in the airport again.”

Person 1: “How old do you think these trees are?”
Person 2: “Is that the level of conversation we are at?”

“Nice to meet you guys, we should go for a drink after!”

@oldspeak1