Four Things the Internet Can Teach You #9

1. THE FILM VS DIGITAL DEBATE IS OFFICIALLY OVER

Are you old and easily manipulated by advertisements? Do you miss the days when you could just drop off film at a photo shop, rather than having to drop off your bulky old memory card? Do you hate having to look at your images on a tiny screen and feel nostalgic for the good old days of just having no screen at all? Do you hate the fiddliness of connecting a camera to a computer with a single wire, but can totally handle having to manually load, wind-on and rewind camera film? Do you hate things like accuracy, focus, editing, and technological progression? Then boy do we have the product for you!

2. IMMA DANCE FOR THE LORD LIKE D-A-V-I-D

This week in “if this isn’t a joke, it’s hilarious” news, we have the Jesus Lean. Based on how this guy handles criticism in the comments, I’m gonna say it’s real:

3. MY NEW FAVORITE MOVIE IS CURRENTLY BEING DEVELOPED

From Deadline:

In Eternal, a married recovering alcoholic helps a woman threatening to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. They end up in bed, and in a torrid sexual affair. When he gets home, he’s confronted by his wife and a private investigator, with photos spread across a table. He thinks he’s busted, but the photos that should have shown him in the clinches with his mistress instead show him alone, drinking alcohol. He initially questions his own sanity, but progressively figures out that this temptress is a ghost who is after his soul.

If the plot doesn’t sound amazing enough on it’s own, it’s being directed by Paul Verhoeven (of Showgirls and that movie where the woman gets a bucket of shit poured over her head fame) based on a screenplay written by David Loughery (of that movie where Beyonce sends people threatening emoticons fame). Credentials!

And now I’m hyperventilating. Great.

4. MY NEW FAVORITE TV SHOW IS ALSO BEING DEVELOPED

From NYMag.com:

If you share a name with someone famous–like, say, 35-year-old pinball geek Justin Bieber of Jacksonville, Fla., or one of the five Betty Whites in Boston, MA–you might soon be getting a call from somebody at CBS. The network has teamed with 51 Minds (the company behind such critically beloved VH1 fare as I Love New York and Rock of Love) for a new reality project dubbed The Same Name. The basic premise of the show revolves around finding regular folks whose names happen to be the same as celebs, and then having the two temporarily trade lives.

They might be playing it a little fast and loose with the term “critically beloved” here, but whatever. I am EXCITED. I’m hoping that me and the other Jamie Lee Curtis (pictured above, trading lives with Will Smith’s ego) end up trading places (geddit?), but seeing as I stupidly tagged another name on to the end of mine, that’s probably not going to happen.

I did go to college with a guy who was actually called James Brown though. When I first met him, I’d always be telling him to “get up” or giving him things and asking him to “take ’em to the bridge” (I’ve always been great with sophisticated puns), but he’d always just stare at me blankly. I figured it was because he was sick of hearing jokes about his name, but it turned out his parents were super religious and didn’t have a TV so he’d never even heard of James Brown. Weird, huh?

JAMIE LEE CURTIS TAETE