Previously owned exclusively by black people, two-ways are rapidly killing cell phones as the most convenient way to talk to people. There’s no unwanted ringing, no disturbing other people with your conversation…the advantages are endless. Ever have someone get so annoyed with you and your phone they ram it up your ass? Well, two-ways are so small it doesn’t even hurt. It feels kind of good, actually.
2. Kief Machine
Before they invented the Crystal Catcher, kief was only available from dealers at a hundred dollars a gram. Now all you have to do to get this highly concentrated form of marijuana is let the bud crystals fall through a screen and collect into a sliding drawer. Be careful while smoking it, however—one toke of kief has about the same potency as all the heroin in Vancouver.
Available from Soma NYC.
3. Phat Dude Sport Rag
YO! Once again the UK represents with the truly illllll shit. Check it out. While fakers in boogie down Bronx, killer Queens, and Crooklyn be rockin’ the plain black doo rags, motherfuckers up in London be takin’ it to anotha level by having “phat dude” all over it.
4. Ronnie Biggs
In 1963, Biggs robbed a train of 2.6 million pounds (the equivalent of $47 million US today). Then he moved to Rio and joined the Sex Pistols. Rio refused to extradite him back to the UK because Biggs fathered a kid there and that was it—until now. Biggs has just returned to the UK to turn himself in because “I am dying. Caring for a weak old man is something I would never put on my family. That is a burden I want to give to Britain’s penal system.”
5. Big Dick Soda
After a hard day working out you get parched. You get thirsty as hell. What could be better than fucking reaching into the fridge and grabbing a big bottle of Poland’s number one soda when you’re all bagged out? Just grabbing a Big Dick and holding it up to your mouth and going nuts on it.
6. College Sweatshirts
Fuck, how good is that when Belushi goes “whooaooaaaa” and runs out of the house expecting everyone to come with him but nobody does? That kind of unflappable optimism just warms your heart.
If you’ve been trying to dress like everyone in Animal House your whole life, pick up one of our “College” sweatshirts from a VICE store nearest you.
Nike made an Uptown exclusively for Stüssy called Dunks and they have a snakeskin swoosh.
8. Vegetarian Intestine
My uncle used to make fun of us vegetarians for eating veggie bacon and veggie burgers and my defense was that we shouldn’t be deprived the convenience of fast and easy food. We’re not trying to synthesize meat, we just got used to preparing food like that. Then the chinks come along and blow the argument right out my ass.