How to Tell If Your Friend Is a Toxic Narcissist

We’ve heard many stories about narcissistic abuse within a romantic context, but this dynamic can exist between friends, too.

A TikToker who goes by the name of @beyondthebruise pointed out this prevalent issue and shared tips for identifying signs of such abuse. 

“Narcissistic friendships are just as toxic as narcissistic relationships, but they’re a lot harder to spot,” the TikToker, who often speaks about her experience with domestic violence, explained in her viral video.

@beyondthebruise

Friendship isn’t about control, competition, or constant drama. #narcissisticabuse #toxicfriendships #redflags #selfworth #narctok

♬ original sound – M 🌹

How to Deal With Narcissistic Friends

“A friend who’s a narcissist doesn’t just drain you, they use you,” she continued. “They make everything about them while giving you the absolute bare minimum in return.”

She noted that the worst part about these friendships is how difficult it is to realize what’s happening. In a romantic relationship, it’s typically easier to spot because the abuse is more blatant. But in friendships, these signs can be hidden in plain sight.

For example, you might just assume your friend prefers the spotlight, which in and of itself doesn’t make them a narcissist. However, someone who tends to make everything about themselves and expects you to go above and beyond for them—without giving you the same energy in return—might be a red flag.

With these individuals, the TikToker noted, everything feels like a competition.

“They can’t just be happy for you; they have to one-up you,” she said. “If you get a promotion, they’ve already done better. If you had a rough day, they had a worse day.”

And one of the most frustrating parts? They often disappear as soon as you need them.

“When you need actual support, they ghost, dismiss, [and] act like you’re a burden,” she explained.

Or, on the other hand, when they do offer you attention or encouragement, it’s typically in the form of backhanded compliments. Perhaps they poke fun at your insecurities or label you sensitive when you call them out, the TikToker suggested.

We’ve all had a friend like that.

More people shared their own personal experiences with these types of friendships in the comment section of the video.

“They constantly use you for emotional support, but in return you hear, ‘yeah, oh wow, darn, that sucks,’” one person wrote.

Another added, “When they know they did you dirty, instead of taking accountability, they ghost you, pretend like nothing happened or just make it seem like you are overreacting.”

If you catch yourself in a friendship that drains you or makes you feel less secure, don’t be afraid to set some boundaries or cut that person off. Your energy is precious.