LONDON – TINY THINGS I HATE

Jon hates the face he makes before he yawns. He also hates small talk with taxi drivers and being involved in audience participation. These and other amusing morsels of misanthropy are discussed on Jon’s blog, 1000 Tiny Things I Hate. Bits of his list lit up our black hearts with mutual bile, but then he said he hated Halloween, which made us want to kick his whiny ass.

Why the hate?
Jon Brown: Because we need someone to take all the hate that’s swirling around out there and spread it about a bit. Forget terrorists and pedophiles and rapists — who speaks for the people who hate pointy sideburns as much as they hate serial sex attackers? Me. I do.   

What do you like?
Baths; Miss Marple; people who eat with their mouth closed.

Well, I think I hate you.
I imagine you’re probably one of those people who goes on about how he never watches TV. You probably say, “Well, don’t really watch it. Bloody idiot box. I just switch it off, read a book.” Of course I could be wrong.

Are you sure you’ll reach 1,000 grievances?
Yes. I learned from the master. My dad hates the sound of other people eating popcorn so much he hasn’t been to the cinema for 30 years. You can only admire that level of self-spiting crabbiness. 

Are you just a grumpy old man in waiting?
Pretty much. I can’t wait to be an old man. Everything in my life is building up to that moment when I can lie around doing nothing without feeling bad about it. But I won’t be one of those old men who go to festivals on their own. Or one of those old men who think they know loads about PCs. Or one of those old men you see jogging really, really slowly. I hate them.

– See more at tinythingsihate.blogspot.com