NEW YORK – NAME GENERATOR

You probably have no clue how hard it is coming up with fake names to make it seem like this magazine is written by more than five people. Suffice it to say, it’s a chore. For every Brody Bitcheloe and Snazzy Cupcakes that strikes in a moment of inspiration, we spend countless hours locked in front of the computer trying to affix normal first names to goofy last names or different adjectives to the word “McPants”. Well, those days are officially done. We have no idea how this thing works, but it is essentially the best internet dealie ever. You pick your gender, you set your “obscurity factor,” whatever that may be, and it spits out list after list of names, at least one of which is a guaranteed showstopper. We just did it now on 22 and it gave us Beryl Vonderheide, Terrance Hands, and Hammar. Hammar! Not exactly sure how you’re supposed to “use it for pick-up lines or car rentals” per its suggestion or why clicking on the names sends you to Ebay, but we plan on putting it to good use of our own. From now on, every name you read at the bottom of an article or review is coming straight out of this puppy. Except for the real names.