THE TEETERING ON THE BRINK ISSUE

A few days ago we got some big old brown boxes filled to the brim with our shiny new Teetering on the Brink Issue. That means these glossy deliverers of chuckles, news, and sexy people should be sitting on the rack at a store in your town for at least another hour or so.

If you live somewhere stupid or you can’t get to a store in time to grab a real life copy, you can peruse its digital pages starting today. As the name implies, this issue is largely concerned with the sorry state of pretty much everything and how this crazy planet is going to hell in a handbasket. It’s not a total downer though, as you can see from this helpful list of all the crap inside:

What the fuck is going on with animals these days? We talked to some fancy scientist-types about why all of nature is trying to kill us.

A lot of people are messed up in the head because coming out of your mother’s hoo-ha can be a traumatizing experience. We took a mulligan on getting born.

I(talians) Believe in Anarchy

Global Trend Report – How the whole world humps

Naked girls all tied up

Andrea Sonnenberg took pictures of her friends peeing on potted plants and high-fiving dogs

Guys smoking drugs and then blowing that smoke into their bros’ faces

The Poetry of the Narco Wars and Other Mexican Peculiarities

Smuggling black-market stones out of Sierra Leone

Smuggling more stuff out of black-markets, this time in Spain and with lady mules

Our friend Rachel Pollock tunneled from Sinai to Gaza just for shits

An interview with a ketamine chemist

A chat with the world’s foremost expert on exploding people

Patrick O’Dell’s dog is really cute

Bob Odenkirk got us transcripts of a conversation between that Wikileaks guy and two high school girls

Chris Nieratko took a car full of porn stars to visit Jessie Lee in the hospital

A review of Majin and the Forsaken Kingdom

Well, that’s about it. As is our SOP, a few pearls will show up on the home page over the next few weeks that aren’t on the above list, so stop by often, it’s always great to see you. If you’d like to get an actual copy of the Teetering on the Brink Issue, here’s a list of a bunch of places where you can do that if you’re quick on the draw.