NY Tyrant: Two by Daniel Grandbois

What do you say I start you out with some short but sweets and we’ll ease into this? Here is Daniel Grandbois. These, and a few other short pieces are from

5. Grandbois and Christopher Kennedy (who I’ll post later) read for us once at KGB and they killed it. One of my all-time favorite readings.Here’s a piece by Grandbois called “The Effort,” which is just that. When I first received it, I was getting ready to leave my place and run some errands. I had to go all over town, four opposite points of Manhattan. It was cold out and I was very unhappy, pissed, to have to do this. Then “The Effort” popped up in my email and I read it. Jesus, you can feel this one in your muscles and bones as you read. It has a rigor that passes from the page and into your person. It makes you feel like you’re moving. Once I’d finished, I felt like I had already run the errands. I was fucking exhausted. Though I hadn’t moved, I was sore. I was drunk though I hadn’t drank, and I felt guilty for something I didn’t even fucking do. I don’t know, man. You try it on. Step through the frame. The piece that follows it, “The Face,” just plain scares me. Both of these pieces are from Unlucky Lucky Days. THE EFFORT I Open the fridge, grasp the bottle, close the fridge. Place the bottle on the counter. Open the cupboard, grasp the glass, close the cupboard. Place the glass on the counter. Open the drawer, pick up the opener, close the drawer. Pry off the cap. Replace the opener, close the drawer. Pick up the cap. Open the cabinet, put the cap in the trashcan, close the cabinet. Pick up the bottle, pick up the glass, pour the beer. Open the plastic lid, drop the bottle into the container, close the lid. Pick up the glass, part the lips, gulp it down. Open the door, step through the frame, take a seat in the chair. Set the glass down. Hear the kid falling down the stairs. You could use a napkin. II Pick keys off hook, place them in front pocket. Pick up wallet, place it in back pocket. Turn the knob, pull open the door, step through the frame. Walk to car. Take keys from pocket, fumble through them, grasp the right one. Stick it in, turn to the left, remove the key. Pull up on handle. Pop open the door. Climb up and in, move appendages from frame, let door swing shut. Stick key in the slot, turn. Hear the sputter and roar. Reach around body, take hold of the buckle, pull belt over body. Snap buckle in place. Grasp the wheel, pull the stick in and down, crane the neck. Press the pedal with your foot. Crane the neck, press the pedal, turn the wheel. Straighten the neck, straighten the wheel, press the pedal. Lift the foot. Press the other pedal. Turn the head. Lift the foot, press the first pedal, turn the wheel. Repeat. Repeat after me. Lift the foot, press the pedal, turn the head. Lift the foot, press the other pedal, turn the wheel, return the head. Repeat. Push in the knob. Turn it. Turn the other knob. Hear the voices. Push off the first knob. Hear the motors. Lift the foot, press the pedal, turn the head. Lift the foot, press the other pedal, turn the wheel, return the head. Repeat. Repeat after me. I will not run the light. I will pick up my foot and press the other one. I will wait my turn. Loosen the grip, remember the breath, push and turn the knob, hear the voices, push the knob off. Hear the motors. Wait. Wait. Lift the foot, press the other pedal. Remember your Big Wheel. Lift the foot, press the same pedal. Lift the foot, press the same pedal. Lift the foot, press the other pedal, turn the head, turn the wheel. Return the wheel. Return the head. Lift, press, push, press, turn. Lift, press, push press, turn, press, push, press, turn, return. Repeat. Return. Stop. Pull the stick in, push it up. Turn the key, pull it out. Grab the handle, pop open the door. Step through the frame. III Open the door, step into the small room, close the door. Open the stall door, step into the smaller room, close and lock the stall door. Lift the lid. Pop the button, pull the zipper, peel away the briefs. Reach in, pull it out, straighten it over the bowl. Feel for the sensation, let it come, push it through. Aim the stream, hear the gurgle, squeeze the muscle. Push it through. Aim the stream, hear the gurgle, push it through. Think how long this is going to take. Shoot the water’s edge, shoot the dry bowl, hear the splatter, squeeze the muscle. Hear the trickle, squeeze it off. Open again, hear the gurgle. Hear the trickle, squeeze it off. Open again, hear the splutter. Squeeze it off. Shake it, flick it, put it away. Pull the zipper, fasten the button, go to the sink. Turn the knob for hot. Turn the knob for cold. Feel underneath. Turn up the knob for hot. Turn down the knob for cold. Feel underneath. Push on the dispenser, rub hands together, rub them under the water. Shake them off, turn off the water, tear off a towel. Pat it, crumple it, throw it in the can. Press your palms to your face, pull down. Stick your fingers in your eyes, rub. Grip the faux bronze knob, turn it, pull open the door. The whirring, buzzing, ringing. Step through the frame. IV Turn the knob, open the door, step through the frame. Flip the switch. Set down the bag, pull back the chair. Be seated. Roll the chair forward. Press a key, grasp the mouse, scoot it, click it. Pick up a scrap of paper, read it. Set it down. Pick up another scrap, read it, crumple it, toss it in the can. Scan the desk. Scoot the mouse. Click, scoot, click. Place both hands on the keyboard. Move the fingers. Press the keys. Stop. Repeat. Move the fingers, press the keys. Move the eyes. Move the fingers. Press the keys. In unison now. Move the eyes, move the fingers, press the keys. Repeat after me. I will not look at my hands. Move the eyes, move the fingers, press the keys. Stop. Look up at the door. I will not look at my hands. Repeat. In unison. Move the eyes, move the fingers, press the keys. Lift the hands. Grasp the mouse. Scoot it, click it. Follow the black arrow with the eyes. Scoot the mouse. Follow the arrow. Scoot, click, scoot, click, scoot, click. Place the hands on the keyboard. Repeat. Move the eyes, roll the eyes, scan the back of the head. Find the word. Keep the eyes in the back of your head. V Step through the frame. Walk down the corridor. Step through the frame. Walk down the sidewalk. Reach into front pocket. Take out keys, fumble, grasp. Stick the key in, turn it to the left, remove. Lift up on handle. Climb up and in. Pull appendages from frame, let the door swing shut. Stick the key in, turn. Hear something. Pull strap across the body. Buckle. Grasp wheel, pull the stick in and down. Crane the neck. Depress the pedal. Crane the neck, turn the wheel. Straighten the neck, straighten the wheel, depress the pedal. Lift the foot. Depress the pedal. Turn the head. Lift the foot, turn the wheel. Repeat after me. Lift the foot, press the pedal, turn the head, turn the wheel, return the head, return the wheel. Repeat. See the balls of light. Coming in pairs. Repeat after me. I will wait my turn. Loosen the grip, push the knob. Lift the foot, depress a pedal. Remember the banana seat, the handlebars, the balls of white light. One for each eye. They’re coming at you. Moving so unnaturally. Blink the eyes. Depress the pedal. Hold the wheel. Drive toward the lights. Blink, depress, drive. Scratch the knee. Stop. Wait your turn. Hold. Hold still. Blink the eyes, lift the foot, depress the pedal. Hold the wheel. Balls of light coming at you. One for each eye. Drive at them. Make them bigger. Hold the wheel. Drive at them. Make them bigger. Hold the wheel. Depress the pedal. Hold the eyes. Repeat. Keep the eyes in the front of your head. Touch the white eyes to your eyes. See nothing. Hear nothing. See white. Hear white. Hear no red. See no red. Step through the frame. THE FACE Though the face was cracked, it could still be seen through, smelled through and heard through. Pinpricks were introduced. The face registered touch in all but three spots—in the depression below the nose and at both corners of the mouth. The eyes closed and stayed that way until it was discovered that applying pressure simultaneously to all three spots opened them up. At which point, they remained unblinking and almost too wide. Even when the pressure was released, it took half a minute for the eyes to return to a normal state, and for several minutes more, they gave the appearance of being on the lookout. As to the turning of the whole face along any axis, none was recorded. This may have been due to the absence of head. Or else the very act of our observing the face fixed its position. Of late, a new theory is gaining traction. It says the face is only one face, and that others are sure to be different. Daniel Grandbois is the author of the Believer Book Award Reader Survey Selection and Indie Next Notable Book Unlucky Lucky Days and the art novel The Hermaphrodite: An Hallucinated Memoir, illustrated by renowned Argentine artist Alfredo Benavidez Bedoya. Daniel’s work appears in many journals and anthologies, including Conjunctions, Boulevard, Mississippi Review, and Fiction. Also a musician, he plays in three of the pioneering bands of “The Denver Sound:” Slim Cessna’s Auto Club, Tarantella, and Munly.