medical advice

  • Let Kool Keith's Dr. Octagon Cure What Ails You

    We talked to the rapper about moosebumps, rectal bees, and all the strange conditions he rapped about as Dr. Octagon on 'Dr. Octagonecologyst.'

  • The Highs and Lows of Breaking Your Bones

    Forty percent of you will end up with a broken bone at some point in your life. So I thought I'd help you prepare for this exciting time by sharing some of the ups and downs I've experienced since being forced to take up crutches, because, having...

  • The Voices in My Head Are Telling Me to Bathe in Shit

    A 30-year-old woman came into ER last week covered from head to toe in her own shit. She was very attached to it. Every time we tried to wipe any of it away she would flail and scream, agonized.

  • Mutant Dick Report

    Some facts to make you grateful for your fully functioning 3.5 inches.

  • How to Drink Until Your Ass Bleeds

    He drank so much he had scoured the inside of his stomach raw with ulcers, which were bleeding out so quickly it ran straight through the 6.5m of his gut, mixed with shit and leaked all over the street.

  • What Not to Do for an Erection

    The wince-making shame of trying to push an increasingly flaccid penis into an ever more impatient pussy is undeniable. But the valiant lengths men go to in desperation can have painful consequences.

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  • This Housewife Got a Slug Stuck in Her Vagina

    People are perverts set on finding new ways of fucking themselves up, usually in the misguided pursuit of pleasure. And there is very little I can do as a doctor to stop them.