Did you have a relaxing holiday weekend? Maybe you lazed around on the beach after closing your state's beaches, like New Jersey governor Chris Christie did. Maybe you accidentally destroyed your garage with fireworks like one Michigan man. But most likely, you spent your weekend like Donald Trump and other extremely healthy, well-balanced people: posting online nonstop for four straight days.
Saturday began calmly for the president. Forever the master of multidimensional chess and mind games, Trump kept his first tweet low-key, wishing "all of the great people of Canada" and his "new found friend Justin Trudeau" a happy Canada day. That bit of work done, Trump was back on Twitter less than 15 minutes later to muse on his favorite topics—the "fake" media, all the ways he's been wronged, voter fraud, Joe and Mika, and so much more.
"Word is that @Greta Van Susteren was let go by her out of control bosses at @NBC & @Comcast because she refused to go along w/ 'Trump hate!'" the president informed. "Numerous states are refusing to give information to the very distinguished VOTER FRAUD PANEL. What are they trying to hide? I am extremely pleased to see that @CNN has finally been exposed as #FakeNews and garbage journalism. It's about time!"
"Crazy Joe Scarborough and dumb as a rock Mika are not bad people, but their low rated show is dominated by their NBC bosses. Too bad," the president of the United States continued. He took a brief recess from his insults to announce: "Getting rdy to leave for tonight's Celebrate Freedom Concert honoring our GREAT VETERANS w/ so many of my evangelical friends. See you soon!"
At the event, Trump made sure to tell the veterans what's really important: "The fake media tried to stop us from going to the White House, but I'm president and they're not. We won, and they lost," he said.
After that inspiring speech, he went back online to explain why it was good that he was online. "The FAKE & FRAUDULENT NEWS MEDIA is working hard to convince Republicans and others I should not use social media - but remember, I won....the 2016 election with interviews, speeches and social media. I had to beat #FakeNews, and did. We will continue to WIN!" he declared.
"I am thinking about changing the name #FakeNews CNN to #FraudNewsCNN!" he wrote in one of his weakest insults yet. But that was the calm before the storm, because he truly ended the evening with a bang:
That's one way of looking at it!
By Sunday, Trump went all in. "We will always take care of our GREAT VETERANS. You have shed your blood, poured your love, and bared your soul, in defense of our country," he began. And then his next tweet, less than nine hours later:
CNN, unsurprisingly, lost its shit. "It is a sad day when the president of the United States encourages violence against reporters," the company wrote in an official statement. By CNN's logic, most days are very sad. I agree.
"The dishonest media will NEVER keep us from accomplishing our objectives on behalf of our GREAT AMERICAN PEOPLE," Trump continued, before finally turning his attention to something other than the media. "Stock Market at all time high, unemployment at lowest level in years (wages will start going up) and our base has never been stronger! America's men & women in uniform is the story of FREEDOM overcoming OPPRESSION, the STRONG protecting the WEAK, & GOOD defeating EVIL! USA."
Monday came—oh God, we're only on Monday—and it seemed like maybe we'd finally have a day free of Trump feuding with the media. "Will be speaking with Germany and France this morning," he wrote. "Spoke yesterday with the King of Saudi Arabia about peace in the Middle-East. Interesting things are happening! Will be speaking with Italy this morning!" But Trump couldn't help but return to his favorite topic: "At some point the Fake News will be forced to discuss our great jobs numbers, strong economy, success with ISIS, the border & so much else!" he kvetched.
He then turned his attention to Charlie Gard, a baby in the United Kingdom who suffers from a mitochondrial disease. His parents are battling with the British government over whether their son should be taken off life support, an issue largely irrelevant to the United States, but also something Trump couldn't help but weigh in on. "If we can help little #CharlieGard, as per our friends in the U.K. and the Pope, we would be delighted to do so," he wrote.
"Thank you to Shawn Steel for the nice words on @FoxNews," he continued. "Really great numbers on jobs & the economy! Things are starting to kick in now, and we have just begun! Don't like steel & aluminum dumping! Dow hit a new intraday all-time high! I wonder whether or not the Fake News Media will so report?" Lucky for Trump, the fake and real media did report on this.
The president, of course, ended the day with a bang and an impending diplomatic crisis:
"Does this have anything better to do with his life?" Why, I was just wondering the same thing!
Presumably, out of respect for Independence Day, Trump kept his tweets low-key on Tuesday: "Getting ready to celebrate the 4th of July with a big crowd at the White House. Happy 4th to everyone. Our country will grow and prosper! Gas prices are the lowest in the U.S. in over ten years! I would like to see them go even lower. #HappyIndependenceDay #USA."
Trump will be president for the next three and a half years.
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